There’s a big question; should feminisation of males and female-led relationships be imposed on males through coercion? As someone who writes about loving female-led relationships this is an important point. At what stage does your love stop you from making the improvements to your partner and marriage because you don’t want to upset him? Equally, at what stage could your actions and domination stray into bullying?
From my own experiences the answer, as these things always seem to do, lies somewhere in between the two extremes. As a woman you need to feel your way.
The basics of a real-life loving FLR
So to think about the level of force required in feminisation and FLRs let’s first look at the basics. To explain them I will use an example of what can be wrong in FLRs. I will return to one of my hobby horses and I’ll come to another in a couple of lines. Just who is the FLR about? If it’s a real-life and loving FLR then it’s about the empowerment of woman in the marriage or relationship. Full stop. That is the basic rule of a real-life loving FLR. It is not about satisfying the male’s fantasy of control and punishment, it’s all about the woman.
This brings me to hobby horse number two; cock cages.
Nothing screams more loudly it’s all about the male than the cock cage. Now I have belatedly accepted that there is a place in our relationship for the cock cage but it’s on my terms. That means it’s for when Alice is meeting other women and I’m not around. Otherwise she is unshackled and available for me to play and amuse myself. I get that it’s a powerful stimulant for a male to be denied and this has a strongly erotic feeling for them. I researched it as I didn’t get the desire initially. My point is that a real-life loving FLR should be about the woman not the male. Besides Alice has never really wanted to wear one so it works for us.
Forced Feminisation and FLR?
My own approach as regular readers know, is to move forward on an incremental basis. Baby steps towards the objective. Once you have him one step forward you consolidate and then move to the next step.
As a woman in a loving FLR, you have a duty of care. You want your man to be happy and satisfied not bullied. Your husband is the submissive in the relationship but that doesn’t mean he is your slave in the real sense of the word. It does mean that there is a disparity in the relationship and this disparity does require signs and reminders.
In my own marriage, my husband just hadn’t been brought up in a society that explicitly accepted female leadership. Therefore it was my responsibility to lead him into an FLR, to show him the path. This did require some effort of my part and the need to be firm at times.
Although not all FLRs include feminisation of the male parner, I believed early on that this was a pre-requisite of the marriage to make it work within an FLR. It’s all about the signs and reminders. I have never understood why certain clothing or jobs or roles have been assigned to the different genders. Clothing (or lack of it) reinforces roles and status. Again there was an element of overcoming societal programming in Alice to get her into what would be considered female clothing but it was important to cement the status of our relationship in place. Besides why hide those legs away under a pair of trousers?
What about punishment in an FLR?
Punishment is an element of any FLR. I first need to first explain that I don’t like to hurt Alice and she never wants to be hurt. This is a misconception and I’ve even had a few from people about my book How I Feminised my Husband asking how I could hurt my husband with spanking and thrashing when I was supposed to love him? Well the answer is that punishment is necessary to maintain any FLR but it’s more about the humiliation than the pain. It does sting Alice, I know but if not it wouldn’t be a punishment. It also puts the relationship levels in context; dominant and submissive. But…real pain is never part of the punishment. Besides punishment can be Alice having to eat on the floor, stand in the corner or being stripped naked although I think she enjoys the last one.
If I’m not using my hand to spank I like to use my leather flogger. It stings a bit, well quite a bit, but it’s not nasty. Here’s a link to the one I use.
Our own loving FLR works beautifully. Alice’s feminisation is moving ahead well, slower than I would like, but I accept the constraints we live under. Reluctantly. Alice focuses on my interests willingly, this is never forced by me. Looking back she always cared about my interests so it wasn’t a great leap to move things to an FLR. The biggest leap was into her feminisation. Yes I have had to be strong and even threaten at times but now we’ve got over the perceived social stigma in her mind I would say Alice prefers to wear female clothing. It was really about encouragement and even support to help her to become feminine. The only thing stopping her having pierced ears is the thought of what her family and friends would say. I think we’ll get there in this area too one day.
The message then is that women do need to persuade, cajole, threaten and push things along. I never push anything that Alice doesn’t want and she does have real red lines. As soon as she tells me it’s a red line it goes no further. There are things she would never do and to be honest, they are understandable even though I might like to do them…
However, I know that I am really fighting social conditioning not Alice when I make deepen her feminisation and our FLR. The results are a loving FLR for us both. And a very pretty husband.