Should Feminisation and FLR be Forced?

flrThere’s a big question; should feminisation of males and female-led relationships be imposed on males through coercion? As someone who writes about loving female-led relationships this is an important point. At what stage does your love stop you from making the improvements to your partner and marriage because you don’t want to upset him?

Equally, at what stage could your actions and domination stray into bullying?

From my own experiences the answer, as these things always seem to do, lies somewhere in between the two extremes. As a woman you need to feel your way.

The basics of a real-life loving FLR

So to think about the level of force required in feminisation and FLRs let’s first look at the basics. To explain them I will use an example of what can be wrong in FLRs. I will return to one of my hobby horses and I’ll come to another in a couple of lines. Just who is the FLR about? If it’s a real-life and loving FLR then it’s about the empowerment of woman in the marriage or relationship. Full stop. That is the basic rule of a real-life loving FLR. It is not about satisfying the male’s fantasy of control and punishment, it’s all about the woman.

This brings me to hobby horse number two; cock cages.

loving flr

Nothing screams more loudly it’s all about the male than the cock cage. Now I have belatedly accepted that there is a place in our relationship for the cock cage but it’s on my terms. That means it’s for when Alice is meeting other women and I’m not around. Otherwise she is unshackled and available for me to play and amuse myself. I get that it’s a powerful stimulant for a male to be denied and this has a strongly erotic feeling for them. I researched it as I didn’t get the desire initially. My point is that a real-life loving FLR should be about the woman not the male. Besides Alice has never really wanted to wear one so it works for us.

Forced Feminisation and FLR?

My own approach as regular readers know, is to move forward on an incremental basis. Baby steps towards the objective. Once you have him one step forward you consolidate and then move to the next step.

As a woman in a loving FLR, you have a duty of care. You want your man to be happy and satisfied not bullied. Your husband is the submissive in the relationship but that doesn’t mean he is your slave in the real sense of the word. It does mean that there is a disparity in the relationship and this disparity does require signs and reminders.

real-life flr

In my own marriage, my husband just hadn’t been brought up in a society that explicitly accepted female leadership. Therefore it was my responsibility to lead him into an FLR, to show him the path. This did require some effort of my part and the need to be firm at times.

Although not all FLRs include feminisation of the male parner, I believed early on that this was a pre-requisite of the marriage to make it work within an FLR. It’s all about the signs and reminders. I have never understood why certain clothing or jobs or roles have been assigned to the different genders. Clothing (or lack of it) reinforces roles and status. Again there was an element of overcoming societal programming in Alice to get her into what would be considered female clothing but it was important to cement the status of our relationship in place. Besides why hide those legs away under a pair of trousers?

forced feminization

What about punishment in an FLR?

Punishment is an element of any FLR. I first need to first explain that I don’t like to hurt Alice and she never wants to be hurt. This is a misconception and I’ve even had a few from people about my book How I Feminised my Husband asking how I could hurt my husband with spanking and thrashing when I was supposed to love him? Well the answer is that punishment is necessary to maintain any FLR but it’s more about the humiliation than the pain. It does sting Alice, I know but if not it wouldn’t be a punishment. It also puts the relationship levels in context; dominant and submissive. But…real pain is never part of the punishment. Besides punishment can be Alice having to eat on the floor, stand in the corner or being stripped naked although I think she enjoys the last one.

If I’m not using my hand to spank I like to use my leather flogger. It stings a bit, well quite a bit, but it’s not nasty. Here’s a link to the one I use.

loving flrFeminisation and a loving FLR Should be Encouraged not Forced

Our own loving FLR works beautifully. Alice’s feminisation is moving ahead well, slower than I would like, but I accept the constraints we live under. Reluctantly. Alice focuses on my interests willingly, this is never forced by me. Looking back she always cared about my interests so it wasn’t a great leap to move things to an FLR. The biggest leap was into her feminisation. Yes I have had to be strong and even threaten at times but now we’ve got over the perceived social stigma in her mind I would say Alice prefers to wear female clothing. It was really about encouragement and even support to help her to become feminine. The only thing stopping her having pierced ears is the thought of what her family and friends would say. I think we’ll get there in this area too one day.

The message then is that women do need to persuade, cajole, threaten and push things along. I never push anything that Alice doesn’t want and she does have real red lines. As soon as she tells me it’s a red line it goes no further. There are things she would never do and to be honest, they are understandable even though I might like to do them…

However, I know that I am really fighting social conditioning not Alice when I make deepen her feminisation and our FLR. The results are a loving FLR for us both. And a very pretty husband.

About Lady Alexa

I'm an author and blogger of female domination, forced feminisation and erotica. I live in London with my feminised husband Alice in a Female Led Relationship.
This entry was posted in Female led relationships, FLR, forced feminization and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Should Feminisation and FLR be Forced?

  1. Sally Bend says:

    So very well said, Lady Alexa.

    I love how you put the emphasis entirely on the woman, even going so far as to call out the duty of care, and of recognizing the male’s red lines. Like you say, there is certainly a fantasy element involved, but you address the real-life logistics very well.

    An encouraged and loving FLR sounds just about perfect.

    • Lady Alexa says:

      Thank you Sally. I have to tread a fine line in our FLR as any woman should do. Yes the needs of the woman are paramount but not at the detriment of the male. I write as how I see it from a woman’s perspective. I may ask Alice to point out how she sees it in a future blog. I’ve done that before

  2. SillyGirl says:

    I remember some time ago Alice was growing her hair long enough to cover the ears so that you could put in the “invisible” earring holes. Is that put by the wayside now?

  3. slave sindee says:

    Well written. i wish is was in a true FLR but alas i married a traditional Woman over 40 years ago She will always be the love of my life. She hates that i would rather wear dresses or skirts. So to fem me would be easy. i have often given her first choice and opened doors. Follow Her as she leads. This has bothered her many times with Her telling me to man up.
    i think You hit it on the head using the term loving relationship as that has always been important to me.
    i love and enjoy your style and am jealous of your relationship

  4. Ron says:

    Loved your book re: feminising your husband. Wish i had a wife that would do that for me, but as I am alone and over 70, don’t think that is going to happen. I totally agree that a couple should think about this and if I were in a better position I would want my womN TO FEMINISE ME

  5. Dr. M.Walcott says:

    Dear Alexa,
    I am a qualified and practicing counsellor for the past twenty plus years. In the course of my work, I come across several aspects of inter personal relations, often hidden from public view. I have been fortunate to guide, encourage many many couples to arrive at a mutually acceptable but loving lifestyle far removed from what we perceive as normal. One trend I have observed recently is the increasing number of wives who have taken on the leadership role in their marriage. In fact one one of my lady clients recommended your blog to me.
    I have read your blog recently and as a student of human interaction started from the beginning. After my study, at least two readings, I am convinced that unlike many other blogs yours is a narration of a true real life marriage. I am fascinated at how your and Alice life has evolved. Pardon my unsolicited advice , but I wish to share my opinion on where you are and perhaps wish to be.
    Based upon my experience, women are better suited for leadership and decision making than men. A male mind is narrow and often misses the bigger picture. It is conditioned by stereotypes. How often do you have a man yell that he can’t find an object lying close to him, because he does not look for it, but only looks where he thinks it ought to be? It is no surprise that in advanced countries, more political and economic leadership positions are occupied by women. A female mind can multitask, observe better and often has a wider and more long term perspective. I am not saying male minds are useless. They are simply better suited for tasks requiring sharp focus (scientific research), quick results (surgery, military operations). Women are better at strategizing and men at executing. Our past history has conditioned men to think they are the natural head of the family, but more often than not, they are cleverly manipulated into doing what their wives tell them to do. A wise wife offers her husband two or more choices in a manner that he ends up doing what she wants; thinking all along that he is the decision maker. I don’t blame the poor dears. It is the testosterone that makes them do so.
    In your own life, based upon your blog, you seem to have reached a plateau in terms of feminizing Alice. I suspect you would like to progress further , but hesitate because you love her and do not want to bully or force her. You are also sensitive to public reaction as is Alice on your plans to pierce her ears, give Alice breast implants etc. The irony is that you know Alice is willing but both of you hesitate.
    In this situation, I have often advised couples as follows. Public memory and interest is short. What may appear shocking at first sight is soon accepted as normal. People move on . A few of my lady clients have dressed their men in women clothing for office parties saying it was a dare or they wanted to come in a fancy dress costume. Exposing a man publicly a few times, saying it was because he lost a bet, he did it as a lark or any other reason can help soften and acclaamatize him. Make Alice wear clip on ear rings a few times in public. Even go so far as to allow her to remove it mid way, but make sure it goes back before you return home. Very soon the embarrassment would have waned.
    Males as I said before like to believe that are the ones deciding not knowing that the more agile female brain guides them unknowingly. Most women know that the best way to get their husband’s do a task is to present two options, one much more unattractive than the other. The blunt male mind invariably opts for The less unattractive choice which was the intended choice all along. Your blog too reflects this reality. Early in your new lifestyle Alice had acquiesced to having her ears pierced as you had allowed her this option instead of breast inserts. You should represent her the choice again and no doubt the result will be the same.
    Another common habit among men is procrastination and laziness. They will often hunt for ways to postpone actions. Delay can be a precursor to avoid the task totally, hoping it will not be required or that some one else will do the work. In your own blog, sadly you allowed the initiative to slip away. Alice was ready but you were perhaps too soft and temporary postponement has led to ear piercing shelved almost indefinitely. Leadership requires firmness and decisiveness.
    Finally , no two lives are the same. We often attach undue importance to public opinion. You and Alice are living your own life and both of you should keep your happiness paramount. Alice in my opinion has accepted and is willing to be guided further along her path of feminization, if it will make you happy. Now the onus is on you to decide How far. More than Alice, I suspect it is you Lady Alexa who is worried about public perception and reaction. If as I have read from your blog you truly want Alice to have pierced ears, breast implants and live full timeboth at home and outside as a female the onus is on you. That is what FLR is all about. Alice I think will be quite happy to follow you as long as she knows she is making you happy and you are there for her. After all is she not the wife in your relationship?
    Sorry if I have written too much, but I do feel you are unfairly laying the burden of your fear upon Alice.
    All said your narrative is fascinating and do continue to share you life with us. You may be pleased to know that I do recommend your blog to some wives who wish to embark upon a similar journey.
    Dr. M.Walcott

    • SillyGirl says:

      Wow! This is what I have been trying to express, but do not have the words. I too have read the blog from the beginning, and follow. Lady A, the earring issue has gone on waaaaay to long, but it is not my right to push it. Clip-ons may be a transition, long, dangly vs. the “invisible” pierced ones.
      Just wondering out loud… I wonder if wearing small breast forms all the time is a transition to small implants? It is probably the biggest step of course, and should bee treeted accordingly.
      What do you think?

    • Lady Alexa says:

      Hello and sorry for my late response, I have been away this weekend on a girly weekend with Alice and friends so had other things going on. There is some truth to what you say about me appearing to be too soft in pushing Alice further in her femininity. The reason is that there are other circumstances involved meaning I have to be gradual or not take certain steps. I don’t put every detail of our life in my blog of course I write only abut the FLR element.

    • corsetjane says:

      Written with incite and so true,……

      • Lady Alexa says:

        Your task for tonight Jane is to write lines. 100 times, I must learn how to spell insight (or correct your spellchecker).

        • Corsetjane says:

          Oh crikey…red face….schoolgirl error lol. Standards have slipped. Rushing is never a good idea!
          Consider the task done!…or a red bottom too!

        • Corsetjane says:

          Oh crikey!…red face…schoolgirl error! Standards are slipping!!! Never a good idea to rush!
          Consider the task in hand Lady A…curtsy…or I guess red bottom too!!

          • Lady Alexa says:

            I want to see the lines Jane, please email them to me plus a photo of you in a schoolgirl outfit for me to share with everyone on the blog. Then stand in the corner, hands on your head spelling out loud I-N-S-I-G-H-T 50 times

  6. Selina says:

    I love the term encouraged feminization! I think sometimes the encouragement may need to be stronger than others. While a husband in a FLR might not want to do something, it may be necessary for his continued submission to make/force/strongly encourage her to do so as long as it doesn’t put her in an unsafe situation, compromise a job, or health. As a husband who isn’t in a FLR or feminized, I can think of things that I wouldn’t want to do but those things would be potentially embarassing/humiliating and if she “forced” me to do them would strengthen her leadership over me and deepen my submission to her. In a loving FLR like you and Alice have and is what I would love to be in I can see how those decisions can be tough for you and cause you to step back. Just because I would say “I don’t want to do that” would not necessarily mean it’s not going to happen and maybe we as submissives say that to test our wives. Alice is very fortunate to be married to you Lady Alexa and my hope/dream is to one day be in a similar kind of FLR.

    • Lady Alexa says:

      Yes although it’s not just about Alice saying she doesn’t want to do something as there are other circumstances involved. FLR and Alice’s feminisation are important elements in a far more complex world. Firm encouragement has led to great development but some things are out of my hands at times

  7. Asha says:

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  8. Asha says:

    Hi Lady Alexa,
    In my opinion, feminization, especially in the context of a loving FLR should be encouraged and facilitated. Forced feminization may only breed resentment and anger . It is the responsibility of the leader to find ways and push boundaries, at times creating situations that may be embarrassing or even humiliating but taken cumulatively increases acceptance and evolution of feminization. I believe this approach provides better results than bullying, coercion or corporal punishment of a recalcitrant male.
    Mine is also a female led marriage where feminization is on going and increasing. My partner Susie, like Alice is usually compliant and cooperative. I have got her ears pierced and am now exploring breast inserts. Where I feel I have been lucky is in having a support system. My close friend is also in the process of feminizing her (formerly husband). We meet often and try to share notes, and work together.Susie was initially reluctant to pierce her ears, as was my friends partner. We hit upon the idea of the two of them getting used to wearing ear rings (we started with clip on studs) in public. Initially this was tried in cities where no one knew us. We were on a holiday and made ear rings mandatory at all times. Later we made them wear the rings at night, during dinners at darkly lit restaurants, followed by short errands outside the house. A few trips to the parlour wearing ear rings helped her get more used to being in public. Susie gradually got used to the ear rings and I later made it a rule that removal of ear rings was only allowed with my prior permission. From there it was not long before she realised the advantage of regular ear rings in her ears as compared to clip ons which sometimes tend to fall off and often left her ears sore. It really helped that most of the time she had company in my friends spouse. Together they were able to share the perceived embarrassment of wearing ear rings in public. In fact we even had both of them pierced at the same time.
    Unfortunately my friend moved away recently. We had planned to follow a similar approach for breast inserts. Susie knows that inserts are certain, but she also knows that I will find a way to ease her path. Feminization can be done without coercion . All it takes is persistence, sensitivity and support along with determination. While I rack my brains on the means, Susie and I do share interesting chats on the side of her breast inserts I prefer her to be size 38, while she chooses a more modest 32. We may compromise, or I may even yield to her wish, as long as I know that she will soon sport two soft lumps of flesh that will jiggle on her chest as she moves and remind her of her feminity every moment.

    • Lady Alexa says:

      Hello again Asha. It’s wonderful to hear from you again. You’ve made some excellent points. You were lucky to have a friend who was also feminising her husband. I do have friends I’ve met through this blog who live with feminised husbands but the husbands were willing participants who initiated the FLR. In my case, and yours, we initiated the FLR and feminisation of our husbands so the situation and the challenges are different. I suspect we are rarer in the world of forced fem and FLR. I like your approach. Alice does have clip ons which look like pierced earrings. I think the idea of getting her used to wearing them outside the home is key. It’s also a good thing for others to get used to it. I’m also growing her hair to help in the feminisation but also to make her future earrings less obvious. A double win I think. longer hair AND earrings. I may buy her some smaller clip ons,little rings, and make them mandatory on holidays and away from home. Great ideas, thanks Asha

  9. Asha says:

    An addendum, Lady Alexa. I have written on this blog before, over a year ago. At that time I was pretty annoyed with Susie ( or Daisy as I used to call her). I had even given her an ultimatum threatening to pierce her septum if she wished me not to pierce her ears. I learnt (humbly, I confess) that bullying does not pay. I met no covert resistance, but I could see Susie shying away from me. I quickly changed tracks and was lucky to find another couple and this allowed Susie to find a companion and smoother her acceptance of piercing.
    The reason I changed her name from Daisy to Susie is to easily allow me to convey my mood to her. Most often I call out Susie as I wish to convey a loving approach. I use the more formal Susan to convey displeasure or a command requiring immediate obedience. Susie can be whispered but a stern and loud call of “Susan” not only highlights her female status, even in public, but also sends a quick red flush of humiliation on her face.

    • SillyGirl says:

      (big smile), that is a very interesting idea, Susie-Susan…
      I love it, a whole different meaning/emotion in one word. I would love to be there when she hears. “SUSAN” in public.

    • Lady Alexa says:

      Yes I also changed Alice’s name a couple of times until I settled on Alice. Her first names were too bimbo-ish when I really wanted a girl for a husband. So something more day to day fitted better. I have two names for my husband also but I use them differently. I use Alice usually when I’m talking about her to other femdom friends but girl the rest of the time. For example I’ll say “girl, could you get me a drink?” To show her I’m pleased I tell her she’s a “good girl” or a “pretty girl” and so on. It helps to show her that she’s a girl and also inferior in status but that our relationship is loving. I also use ‘girl’ in public and occasionally Alice. If I’m with family who don’t know about us then i use ‘dear’. Alexa x

  10. Asha says:

    Re naming and shaming, what has been your experience Lady Alexa? I observe that whenever I call out “Susan!” In public, the reaction never changes. She casts a furtive look around to see if anyone else has heard or observed. Even amongst close friends who are aware of our relationship, she turns crimson. A sheepish smile if there are people around is followed by quick obedience to any task or instruction. We have discussed her reaction and Susie tells me that after I call out Susan in public, her entire attention is focussed on me to ensure she is alert and eager to quickly pick up on what I expect her to do. Even when I whisper, she says it is the loudest voice she can hear, given her rapt attention and focus upon me. I do confess that I enjoy her feeling of humiliation and do not miss or spare her even in public. I do not believe in coercion, but will not miss any opportunity to rub in her status as my feminine submissive. Asha

    • Lady Alexa says:

      My experience is identical to yours Asha, Alice’s face turns into one of acute embarrassment. I too confess to an immense enjoyment at seeing ‘the face’. I like to find ways to call her girl in public. My other experience is that no one has ever commented or appeared to notice. I think many have but decided not to be involved.

  11. sissyteri says:

    It is a very natural, but sometimes challenging, process to change a male into a sissy in a FLR relationship. You are basically shaping and molding a person into what they desire to be and at the same time training them to be what You want them to be. This is where true sissification/dominance/humiliation begins. i understand my sissy station in life and am looking for someone to help training me to better submissive/sissy.

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