From my experience leading a successful female led relationship, there are significant benefits to be had for both the woman and the man. However, there are certain steps everyone should take to ensure that the benefits of this type of relationship work for both parties.
Here is my guide a successful female led relationship (FLR) based on my experiences.
TYPES OF FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIP
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Before we look at the steps towards an FLR, we need to consider the different types of successful female led relationship I’ve observed over the years.
At its most basic level, the woman is the overall lead of the relationship but that’s about it. We see this type of FLR everyday, no fetish, no formal agreement. It’s just the woman is the stronger of the two and takes certain decisions. They probably wouldn’t even call it an FLR but it is.
At the other extreme, the woman has total control over the man in every aspect of the relationship, including making him dress as a female or remain naked at home. This is closer to our FLR. Notice that I say our, not just mine. More about that in step 1 below.
Click here for more on my opinions of forced feminisation within an FLR.
Any FLR relationship means the woman has the authority, that authority is recognised, and it moves away from the out-of-date concept that the man is the one who should be seen to be in charge.
Click here for more on developing a female led relationship.
THE 10 STEPS TO A REAL-LIFE FLR
So here are my 10 steps to an FLR based entirely on my personal experience of living in an FLR and observing those friends we’ve met in ‘the scene’ who live an FLR.
STEP 1 – YOUR FLR MUST BENEFIT BOTH PARTIES
A real-life FLR is not a male fantasy game. All too often I get emails from a husband asking me how he can persuade his wife to agree to his fantasy. Persuade her? What’s in it for her I always ask? They have rarely thought about that. The man wants a male fetish not a working relationship.
Equally it’s not about a woman treating the husband as her personal slave.
For the man, he has to genuinely agree to hand over real power to his wife. For ever, for everything. The wife has to want to have the full level of power and decision making and to gain benefit from that power.
The benefit I get as the woman is that I am loved, adored, cared for and my needs are put first. That doesn’t mean it’s only about me, but that Alice puts my happiness first. However, at the same time, Alice’s happiness is vital. I don’t want to do anything that makes her miserable.
Oh, and all the boring household chores are dealt with.
STEP 2 – THE MAN WILL TAKE ON THE TRADITIONAL HOUSEWIFE ROLE
If you’re a man reading this with excitement, be careful what you wish for. In a real FLR, you will be the one who primarily cooks, cleans, irons, washes and does the housework. Maybe staying home with the kids, if they’re still young. He may even still work full-time on top of all this. Welcome to the previous world for women. It’s your lifestyle now.
Meanwhile, the woman goes to work. Her job is the most important. She has financial control. She determines the financial priorities for the household and makes sure the bills are paid.
STEP 3 – THE MAN DRESSES TO PLEASE THE WOMAN
Once the male takes on the traditional ‘housewife’ role in a successful female led relationship, the previous male/female norms have to change. Now it’s the man who has to look pretty, attractive and sexy for his woman. The traditional housewife role remains, but it is now the man who performs it.
When the female leader returns home after a day in the office, she should expect a clean and tidy home, a meal and a pretty husband waiting expectantly for her.
‘Forced’ feminisation is not necessarily part of an FLR. In the more basic versions a man will just ensure he looks attractive, but as a male. At the other end of the scale, where Alice and I are, I believe that feminisation and/or male exposure are fundamental.
I personally prefer men to look and act like females. I want my husband to be a girl with a male clitty. It’s not just the look, but the female personality and thinking that goes with it.
Encouraged feminisation softens the male and changes his character. It removes all the nasty effects of masculinity and replaces it with a gentle feminine character.
So in our FLR, my clothing choice for my husband is female and girly. Take at look at my LadyAlexaFLR Tumblr account to see what I’d really like my man to look like.
Men can’t be macho while wearing a pretty pleated mini skirt or naked with a pink ribbon tied around their shaved clitties.
Feminisation and exposure helps in them to accept and understand their place in the relationship. However, take into account step 4.
STEP 4 – DO NOT CHANGE YOUR INTERESTS AND HOBBIES
I sometimes get mails or comments to the effect that I should make Alice do knitting, needlework or read trashy female magazines or novels. Why? She doesn’t like those things.
It’s not my role as a female leader to make my husband’s life miserable in order to satisfy a stereotype of a traditional female role. This is a real-life relationship not some kind of fantasy game.
A husband in an FLR is not a slave but he or she is a partner. Not an equal partner, but a partner who has accepted their more submissive role in life. A partner nonetheless.
I enjoy cooking, for example, it helps me to unwind. Besides, I’m a better cook than Alice no matter how hard she tries to please me. So if I want to cook, I will. It doesn’t mean I’ve given in to her it just means I’m enjoying the relationship.
The same goes for housework. Sometimes I want to do it my way. Why not?
As for Alice, she likes sport. Why would I stop her seeing that just because it fits a stereotypical male pastime? I want her to enjoy her life, her interests and our FLR, not see it as some kind of prison sentence or for her to be resentful.
STEP 5 – A WOMAN DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISIONS 24/7
I love being in charge. Alice says I’m bossy. Surely not? Bossy? Moi? That said, I really don’t want a wimpy husband who makes no decisions and asks me what to do or for permission for everything.
I want a husband who knows what she likes and is happy to be autonomous without me having to give instructions every 5 minutes. It would be draining.
So within the loose set of rules we live by (the one that says I’m in ultimately in charge and she is a girl), Alice has freedom. She can choose what food to buy or cook unless I ask for something particular.
She can choose what clothes to wear, as long as it is within the confines of a skirt or a dress. I don’t want to be choosing her clothes every morning. She can watch what TV she watches or music she listens to. And so on.
An FLR is not a prison sentence for the husband in an FLR, it’s a release of supposed male responsibilities. And the husband should enjoy that freedom, to a limit.
Besides in our case, it’s the chance for her to wear pretty clothes.
STEP 6 – DISCIPLINE NEEDS TO BE CONSENSUAL
I do believe in discipline, I believe it provides a regular reminder of the asynchronicity of an FLR and to punish poor behaviour. Alice knows that breaking our agreement of how the FLR works is punishable.
So how does this equate to my belief that an FLR needs to be loving, caring and respectful? Well, we spoke about the need for discipline before it became an important element of our marriage. We agreed on the level and need.
I got buy-in from Alice and acceptance that discipline was necessary for our FLR to function. I didn’t just start hitting her whenever she annoys me. That would be abusive.
Instead, I explained to her why discipline is important in an FLR. And I explained that I would never want really hurt her, just to sting and make the point. I actually don’t want to hurt her, even if she liked it (she doesn’t.) I have also made it ritualistic. It’s not an attack, but a ritual for when I feel the need for discipline.
For more on my views on discipline in an FLR click here.
STEP 7 – DECIDE ON YOUR LEVEL OF FLR FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD
The lower levels of an FLR are probably acceptable to the outside world. How many times have you heard the expression “she wears the trousers in that marriage.”
It’s when you go the the other extreme, as we have, that an FLR can maybe become a problem. Especially when you link your FLR with encouraged feminisation.
Social stigmas around the female being totally in charge and a man dressing as a girl will probably cause problems at work, in daily life and with friends and family.
None of our friends in the FLR / Femdom scene have come out. All, including us, disguise it. This can be extremely frustrating, but how you present to the world needs to be addressed if you are to live an FLR.
I think a hidden FLR / enforced feminisation is still an extremely rewarding relationship lifestyle. It’s better than no FLR at all anyway.
I would probably not worry too much; I believe that some of us need to blaze a trail. Alice is not a trailblazer so we keep things under wraps. This leads us into step 8.
STEP 8 – RESPECT EACH OTHER’S BOUNDARIES
As I’ve already written, an FLR is not about the man being a slave in real life. You are in a marriage or permanent relationship 24/7, not just playing at weekends.
As a couple, you need to respect the boundaries of each other or it won’t work. In our FLR, that mostly means I need to respect Alice’s boundaries as I don’t have too many.
When I push the next boundary, I do it carefully, gradually and with her agreement. If it’s uncomfortable, then we don’t do it or I row back. I usually get there in the end but it takes time.
STEP 9 – DON’T EXPECT AN FLR TO BE PERFECT
So you have agreed to live an FLR, the husband is in a pretty skirt and you spank him to maintain discipline. He cooks and cleans the home. All is perfect and the sun is always shining. Right. In your dreams.
Transferring power to the woman has an amazing effect in reducing tensions and arguments. Note, I said reduce not eliminate. Expect disagreements and some bumps in the road as in any relationship.
The key is that there are far fewer disagreements in a FLR and celebrate that. And there’s always the making up. The husband will need a spanking after for misbehaving, won’t he. Or is that she?
STEP 10 – PLAY
It’s not all work and normality of course. An FLR can be an immensely erotic and sensual relationship; there’s a tension that’s exciting.
Let’s be honest, I get off on the power of leading an FLR and feminising and humiliating my husband. Alice gets off on being told what to do, being turned into a girl and being humiliated. Never ever forget the fun side and take time out to play.
Some times we’re at home, maybe watching TV, maybe reading. It’s a normal everyday scene. Then I look up at Alice and see her there in a short dress, sheer stockings and a bit of lipstick. Even after all this time with her as my girly, the realisation of what we have can surprise me.
I then ask her to make me a tea or a coffee and I see her shimmy to the kitchen. Something so innocent can be so exciting.
Meeting others in the FLR/femdom scene is also fun and opens up new experiences and new friends with similar tastes.
We often find time to play between ourselves. Although Alice dresses like a typical girl in everyday clothing (albeit in short skirts), sometimes I like her to dress a bit more sissy, a pink tutu maybe, a schoolgirl look and so on. An FLR adds a lot of spice to your relationship.
Never forget to have some saucy fun with your FLR.
In our FLR, I am in control of sex and Alice focuses on my pleasure. Men – be careful what you wish for as in our FLR, for example, Alice is not allowed to orgasm. In others we know, the submissive male is kept in chastity. At least Alice has lots of sex even if she’s not allowed to cum. The female comes first, remember?
A SUCCESSFUL FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT BALANCE
No matter what type of FLR relationship you’re in, you need to make sure you have some balance and to respect each other. It’s not all about the woman being a dominatrix 24/7 or the man being a submissive wimp.
Alice is no wimp and that’s what I enjoy; being in charge of someone with spirit. A successful Female Led Relationship would soon lose its fun and become unsuccessful if your husband was always a weak wet sissy. I like a bit of frisson, making her do something she’s not entirely comfortable with.
For males, your wife is not there to play out your fantasies. Respect her desires and needs. She will probably not want to be the leather-bound dominatrix but just someone who enjoys making the choices and being respected.
For women, never get too bossy and demanding. Ensure your husband buys into what you want to do. Try to spot the difference between his reluctance where it’s fine to push further, and his boundaries.
An FLR is one type of relationship. It’s not the only thing in the world, you have your other interests too, whether that’s sport, reading, socialisation, cinema, whatever. All these things should fit within your FLR, not be squashed by it.
And never forget. Make time to play.
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I am a man who is frustrated at my girlfriend who is in charge of our relationship. I am getting to the point where my needs and wants being ignored are frustrating me to the point of where I want to break off the FLR portion of our relationship. The problem is I feel my only option is to totally break off the whole relationship because now I am afraid of her. I am so afraid of her to the point I can not bring up little things anymore without it bringing on a scolding or punishment. Am I truly at a point of no return in the relationship and just accept it? Should I just leave while I still can and learn to never get into another FLR again?
Your decision I don’t know all the facts
From the age of three I was raised by a single mother who’s a dominant female, so I would feel more secure in an FLR. The last three marriages I’ve been in didn’t work out too well since I don’t know how to take the lead. How could I when I never had a male role model? In fact, due to my past experiences from the time my dad left, I’ve cast a rather distrusting eye toward the male gender over the years. I can’t say I fancy the thought of feminisation though. Then again, I’m not what you would consider masculine either.
I took the IDR labs gender test and it actually said I was undifferentiated/androgynous (31% masculine, 25% feminine). So if my future wife was willing to respect that aspect of me while agreeing to take the lead, I think I’d be happy.
I have no problem being a househusband who does the cooking and cleaning though, and in fact I’d prefer it. At least I’d be useful. I’m medicated for bipolar schizoaffective disorder with social anxiety issues on the side. Because of that I’ve never been able to hold down a job for over six months and my current life on disability makes me feel utterly worthless.
That’s just my thoughts on the issue.
The whole disability system is aimed at making you feel worthless. I feel the same and part of my medication is coping with that fact. I’ve been through several professionals and heard the same from all but one.
Three marriages? WOW! At least you gave it a good shot.
A couple questions:
1) I am wanting to know how force feminizing me as a male helps me with my self esteem issues or with my ability to love myself?
2) How is forcing me to do something in the bedroom I am not comfortable doing going to help me? Does the male forfeit the right to say NO to sex?
It’s not really force feminisation it’s encouraged feminisation. Same with the bedroom, nothing is being forced.
Thanks for getting back to me. Would it still be a FLR if I said No to a Chastity Cage, No to any Feminization, No to any Physical Punishment, and to only be monogamous? All would be upfront in the initial negotiations by me as hard boundaries (as well as a few others TBD).
Based on my experiences which went from panties to dressing female except at work, then having sex arranged by my partner as a female, leading to accepting that I wanted to become female, I don’t think you’re looking for a FLR relationship at all.
You have pretty solid ideas about what you do/don’t want as well as self-image issues. Entering a FLR will see you pushing boundaries that are set for you, if you enjoy the change then it may go further. Eight years ago if you’d have told me where I’d be now I would have completely dismissed it. Do I enjoy life now? Absolutely! But 90% of that comes from accepting what I was and the limits I had, and changing for the better everything I could.
I’m still friends with my ex-partner and will be stopping with an orchie below but she isn’t a lesbian and neither am I.
Have you talked to a professional about how you feel? You could find out what’s really holding you back and be able to resolve it.
Good Luck.
Hello Lady Alexa,
I’m grateful that you wrote this post. The post changed my view on FLR to a positive one.
It helped me understand that I haven’t really understood what is a real FLR, and even got me interested in it.
I was already interested in been a sissy behind close doors, and with this post I could see FLR as part of it as well.
Sorry for broken grammar and a like, English isn’t my first language.
Thank you very much and hope to see more of your posts in the future,
Mipster
Well, Lady Amber, I applaud your work. I anticipate further updates ♥
Wonderful post Lady Alexa. In my case my husband was feminized due to so.e habits that were really annoying and after repeated attempts to curtail them I implemented feminization of our relationship and got some pushback but he ultimately decided that it was better than alternative choice. I still get some pushback as we proceed with this life but it has reduced considerably over atime.
Lovely, Lady Amber
Well ty,I am trying my best to make a proper feminized husband/sissy out of him
Indeed. I’d love to hear more about how you accomplished such great results ♥
It is still a work in progress. I wouldn’t characterize is as great results.
Dear lady Alexa. I can’t help get turned on looking at all these sissies. How can I ask my wife to feminize me without scaring her away? Also I have noticed a lot of sissies constantly have hard clitties how do you feel about this? Thanks
I wouldn’t really know how a male should ask to be feminised but I do know how a woman can feminise a male. Maybe try talking to her? As for the sissies with hard clitties, if you refer to the sissy photos on Pinterest and Tumblr I assume Viagra and other medications may be involved. That said, on the occasions where I might play with Alice or maybe another sissy I do expect clitties to be hard at all times when on show. It’s a sign of respect for the dominant woman
Lady Alexa, I just LOVE the way you go about your Business. Male Femininity is indeed growing, as I have documented numerous times on my blog. It is the Fact that you have Led the Way, and have been able to Encourage, whether knowingly or Not, other Women to Take the Great Step of Male Feminization, which makes you a True Leader in the New Age of Female Control.
Thank You for all that you do, and hopefully as time goes on, many more Dominant Women will take your lead and convert their males into “Feminine men and boys, thus forging the Way for Women and Girls to Take Control and Create a Better World.
Patti
I think male femininity is more prevalent than we realise. It’ a little undercover. Time to bring it out more I’d say
I completely agree with you Lady Alexa! What is happening and needs to happen more is women understanding and embracing that we are better leaders than men…in business, politics, and at home. We possess great power with our femininity and many men desire to have us leading them. As you stated Lady A, male femininity is more prevalent than most people realize and it’s up to us to bring it to fruition.
I totally agree Lady Alexa. I find at my job and everyday life in general many men who have submissive tendencies towards women. Like you said it’s time to bring it out more and start feminizing (improving) the men in our lives.
The hardest conundrum is that which you face where you know your queen expects some level of manliness and abhors nonconventional males and so you are what she thinks she needs instead of what she really needs.
I am a really soft person that wants to enjoy picking out clothes for my wife and doing the housework but she must know something because she frequently asks me why/you dont want to be a woman right? Instead i have to cling onto this toxic masculinity,, this poison that makes me repress my self as I know at the true representation of myself would destroy my wife (and our son).
I qm glad I can live vicariously through you guys but for now I must sit and observe from the sidlines.
Cheers!
Hi Mistery, my husband got me interested by asking me to read one of Lady Alexa’s blog posts….Five Male Changes for a Successful FLR. I reluctantly read it and became intruiged and the rest as they say is history!
The FLR Selina and I live is close to your 10 steps with a few differences. When we started our FLR one of my main goals was to feminize my husband as quick as I could and strip away his masculinity at the same time. In regards to step 4, that meant replacing the macho activities/hobbies which included going out with the guys, watching wrestling, MMA, and hockey, holing up in the man cave surfing the internet ( often times porn as I discovered) and not lifting a finger to help out around the house. I replaced these bad habits with makeup lessons, voice training, shopping, practicing female mannerisms, doing yoga and working out with me at all female workout classes, shopping, going to the salon, going to movies, plays, craft shows, and other woman oriented activities. There was pushback but I held my ground as feminization and removing masculinity were crucial to successfully implementing a FLR lifestyle. As I’ve stated in other responses on previous topics, Selina led me to your blog, said she wanted to live a FLR, but didn’t realize how I would embrace it and got more than she bargained for. Also, Step 2, taking over the household chores helped fill the time void of losing her “male privelage” and the macho activities. As 2019 entered the holiday season, two of Selina’s old friends reached out to us and expressed a desire to rekindle the friendship. We had them over and they stated they accepted the life Selina is now living and actually admired her be brave enough to live as a woman. This goes into Step 7, how public we choose the FLR to be. Selina has been living fulltime as a woman and other than a select few people who know we live a FLR. most people think she is a man choosing to live as a woman. As we talked and I felt comfortable her friends were sincere, I shared our true relationship with them. They were respectful and supportive of it and asked if Selina could go out with them sometime to watch a game. I agreed and shortly after the three of them attended a hockey game. I typically don’t choose Selina’s attire as she knows what I like her to wear and has developed a keen sense of style. Selina wanted to wear jeans, boots, and a sweater but I insisted she wear a dress and heels as many women attend games dressed up. We went to the salon and had a girly day getting our hair done, nails, and facials. I chose a red bodycon dress that went to just above her knees, black 3″ heels, a black sweater, and nice accessories. Underneath she wore a matching black satin bra and panty set. She looked hot! She was so nervous about going out without me but her friends assured me they would take good care of her. The night turned out to be a success and she has twice since gone out with them. Her friends have been total gentlemen and respectful of Selina. I am slowly allowing her to incorporate some of her old hobbies and activities into her life while closely monitoring whether any masculinity is trying to sneak back in. In regards to Step 8, I have pretty much set the boundaries, but, have never and will not put Selina in a situation that threatens her safety or well being. Selina has totally bought into our FLR lifestyle and has become a confident, self assured feminized male at work and outside the home while knowing I am in charge at home even though she has liberties and earned privelages over time. Ours is a wonderful marriage!
Very intriguing story! Thank you!
Thank you Joy! If someone had told me a few years ago my husband and I would be living a FLR lifestyle and he as a completely feminized male living 24/7 as a woman I would have calked them crazy. Thanks to reading this blog and learning what a real life FLR could be, our lives and marriage have completely changed for the better. I love my “wife” very much and she has evolved into an amazing partner, lover (always on my terms), and human being! I truly believe that in the next 20 years that women will be the leaders…politically, in business, and at home. Feminization of my husband works for us and is such an amazing way to live our lives!
Has Selina changed her name legally?
Hi Phred, no we have not legally changed Selina’s name. She is a man, a feminized man living 24/7/365 as a woman, but still a man. As of now there are no plans for that.
Ms. Katrina, perhaps your husband’s friends are jealous which is why they are so accepting of this situation?? I love how they knew they had to ask if Selina could go out with them, requiring your permission and approval for 3 grown men. May I ask how your friends’ feminization and control of their husbands are progressing?
Yes don’t get me wrong. I just meant the occassional past times and hobbies. All other times Alice is a girl and has to do the housewife and secretarial chores around the house. Once she has time then I’ll allow her her own time
Hello Katrina!
I Applaud you that you have your man living the Life of a Feminized man. As time goes on, it is important for men and boys to know that they are allowed to be Feminine and Pretty, but that they are indeed male. Not unlike what Girls and Women have been able to do for a Long Time…being Tomboys and being masculine, with not a thought of that not being acceptable. It is time that males get to be Feminine and Sweet without being ridiculed. I really Believe that Women can make this Societal change occur!
I would like to express much appreciation for the entry from Lady Alexa which I have just read.
Ours is a cooperation, yet with each day/week/month/year which passes, I am further and further from those instinctive male things. I consider myself fortunate to have met my Lady. The one who has, with my complete blessing, transformed me into the submissive assistant to the Lady I have built up to be the all-powerful and awesome Superior Businesswoman. I feel so civilized, as I work from home in my bright and colorful skirt-suits with full makeup, nails, eyelashes, and luxury wig. It’s a moral obligation as well as a pleasure to look just as pretty as possible at all times.
I am to greet any Female relation with Her at the door by kissing their shoe as a form of 100% obedience to Her and Her family because the are special people. I do so with complete gratitude for who I am today. I am polished, orderly, have incredible self-discipline, and have ridden myself of foul language and profanity. I now drink tea because it is delicate, just like me. All of my living expenses are completely taken care of now and I live in a spacious and gorgeous home. I keep it as immaculate as a 5-star hotel out of complete gratitude.
I am a sub male who’s a cd , panty wearer looking for a relationship like your talking about here. I am 6’7, 59, ddf.
I should charge for sissy dating ads
The only thing about me is that I am only into female , not looking for a male to play with only women to serve , pamper, and to make her happy.
Great. Please send me $20 for your Femdom dating advert
Thanks to Lady Alexa and to Katrina for the encouragement. Everything on this site inspires me. My problem is finding a women who wants an FLR with an older person. Even though I am very young at heart and in great condition who looks and acts very young I am still a senior and women tend to shy away from that. I am glad that there are more and more women taking over the world but I have more than likely missed the boat. I do keep positive thoughts about finding a dominant women when I read these posts.
Wonderful post Lady Alexa! I enjoyed re reading the posts that you linked as well! There have been some changes (all positive) for Selina and I in 2020 and will share them in the context of this post over the weekend. Donnagirl, I too hope you find a strong woman who will lead you! We are out there and becoming more numerous every year!
The January 15th post is NOT loading to the top of your site. Most followers don’t know it exists.
Ok thank you for letting me know. Alice says she needs to do something to clear something on the web site.
All fixed now thanks
Lady Alexa. What a great article. I love all ten steps and lean towards the way you carry them out with Alice. I hope to find such an FLR relationship some day. I always enjoy all of your comments and I am always learning from your site. Donnagirl a FLR hopeful
I hope you find what you want – and need
Hi I think you will find a obedient male to use the way you like and the great thing is so many males want this and love it I no a few FLR and it’s so hot thinking of a female putting a boy in his place, xx
Well said, Lady Alexa, but I would expect nothing less from your wonderful guidance and leadership.
Step 5 is probably the one I’ve struggled with the most, and my Goddess makes that very clear. There are times where she’s tired or stressed or had a bad day at work and she just doesn’t want to think. In that case, I’ve had to learn that it’s not about me taking the lead and usurping her, it’s about submitting to her needs and taking on a burden for her.
And thank you for Step 7. It helps to be reminded that private/hidden FLR is no less important or rewarding, and (personally) I find what you said about Alice not being a trailblazer reassuring. I look up to both of you, seeing the potential for what our FLR could someday become, so I appreciate that grounding in practicality.
Yes step 5 is important, you articulate it well about taking the burden from her. As for step 7, a slightly hidden FLR is better than no FLR although it’s more the feminisation that’s behind closed doors or hidden beneath covering clothes