I feel like returning to one of my hobby horses today, that of the roles of a dominant and submissive in a Femdom relationship. That would be hobby horse as in a preoccupation of mine rather than wanting to sit on a toy horse which is a different fetish entirely.
I also covered it a little in my book How I Feminised my Husband where I wrote about Alice sometimes forgetting that her submission and feminisation was real submission and not a submission/forced feminisation game.
I don’t have so many problems with my sissy husband Alice these days in terms of her dressing as I want her to do rather than her, although she still sometimes forgets she’s not equal to me.
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We saw a great British film about this very thing a little while ago. It was called The Duke of Burgundy and covers a lesbian dominant/submissive relationship. That it’s a lesbian affair is irrelevant as it’s the same whether you have a submissive feminised male, a submissive female or all the shades in between.
The point is over who is the dominant and who is the submissive.
I enjoyed the film as, apart from being an excellent film, it helped to warn me over the potential dangers of a submissive being the real dominant in this type of relationship. The submissive in the film demanded ever increasing levels of submission and the dominant was complying even when she didn’t want to play or began losing interest.
There are several techniques I now use to ensure that the warnings of the film are not repeated here in North London. One is around clothing. Alice’s feminisation has a large element of petticoating involved, that’s to say it’s a kind of humiliation and and enforcement even when she’s not in the mood.
Alice would like to swap between male and female personas and I have to ensure this is not possible. I’m in charge of how she dresses.
Secondly I don’t always allow her to wear skirts or dresses as you can see in the photo. I don’t allow her to wear something ‘comfortable’ or to make her feel feminine. No she has to wear just a bra and apron, for example.
The other day at our friends who live the same lifestyle, I made Alice wear just knickers, bra, stockings and high heels. It’s vital to make her feel some discomfort. It’s about my pleasure not hers. Another time we went shopping for a new skirt for Alice.
She wanted a plain mid-thigh plain loose black skirt. I declined her request and chose two short tight-fitting skirts. This makes her walk better and she can’t stride and makes her sit properly, like a girl.
It’s very important to understand your submissives desires and then use them for control. Yes Alice likes to wear pretty girls’ clothing but she doesn’t want to be a real female. This then allows me to use her feminisation for control.
Since she likes female clothing and it’s exciting for her, then it’s all or nothing. All wins. She’s also become comfortable in being the housewife at home and I think this is a win-win.
She’s able to withdraw from the typical pressures of so-called male responsibilities and I get a housemaid.
Femdom is not a game, it’s a way of life.
The term you are looking for here is “Topping From Below”.
Yes or topping from the bottom I’ve heard used too
About 15 years ago my wife and I were trying this kind of lifestyle. I was really enjoying it but wanted more at a faster pace. I started pushing (topping from the bottom), and my wife got mad, stopped and has never been willing to revisit the lifestyle. … all very sad.
I love the pic! Such a lovely apron. I also love that you made Alice wear just knickers, bra, stockings and high heels.
Is Alice now your housewife or your housemaid? Does it depend on the situation? Or are these two terms the same for you?
Nice apron shame about her spare tyre. I use housemaid and housewife interchangeably really
That makes sense, Lady A as a housewife is basically an unpaid housemaid. I hope I will serve a woman one day as her housewife/housemaid.
*curtsy*
Lady Alexa if it pleases you i provided a picture of myself in panties chastity and stockings.
“Femdom is not a game” – how true. This Friday I will experience my first time out in public. I will have a makeover in a regular salon. I will leave the salon at rush-hour dressed as an office girl. I will then have over 3 hours before a crossdressing club opens. I will have no choice but to amuse myself and test people’s reactions. Maybe a bar, maybe some shopping. Any ideas?
Flirt!
what will you wear??
Do let us all know how it goes heather. Photos? Selfies? If you can send to me at ladiesontop@mail.com and I’ll put them in a post.
I also thought it was a superb film Lady Alexa, with such a good start – and then it began to unravel and was quite sad in the end.
As You say, a salutary lesson in the emptiness and futility of a relationship where the sub is calling the shots. Not the way to go at all.
Power in such relationships as yours must always be with the dominant Lady.
Can I also give a “wave” to CJ? A fellow member elsewhere on the net 🙂
Hello Carrie. I took it as a lesson to not allow Alice to call the shots in any way. If you mean Corset Jane then of course. I’m sure this blog is turning into a dating and contact agency 🙂
“I’m sure this blog is turning into a dating and contact agency”. Now don’t blame me for that development. I only Femdom Princess asked a question. 😉
What a fascinating point that you bring up in discussing this dynamic.
Poor Alice.
There’s really no hope of escape for her. She’s a prisoner of her own impulses, masterfully exploited by Lady alexa.
Even if she did revert to man mode,she’s done so many norty girlish things, how could she’s probably forgotten what it takes to be a man. The hopelessness of ever getting her masculinity back may even be a delicious turn-over her
Turn on for her
Correct Britney, she enjoys the turn on
Devilishly delicious dilemma !!
And that’s what we play on of course.
Poor Alice indeed, You have hit on a good point Britney, how a dominant can manipulate her submissive. You’ve given me an idea for another post 🙂
I’m glad to be of service to you, Miss. Does that mean as a special treat I can wear male underwear tomorrow?
[special super deep and respectful curtsey, avoiding eye contact ]
Lady Alexa, thank you so much for your updates. Yes the biggest issue for women and males is what happens when a man rebels, feels guilt/shame, and wants to revert to his old patriarchal self. These moments define the relationship. Is the woman dominant enough to have true control? Does the male respect the woman enough to submit and obey even when he doesn’t want to? I wish there was more information on real life experiences explaining how couples handle the rebellion and take the man further down his needed path of submission.
Yes to some extent dafni but I was writing less about rebellion and more about some so-called submissives who aren’t actually submissive at all. It’s just a game play for them where they manipulate the so-called dominant into doing what they want not the so-called dominant. That’s the issue we have to guard against (unless the couple want to play this of course in which case it’s fine. See if you can find the film to see what I mean.
Yes Lady Alexa, your point makes me think of a broader thought. can a man truly be dominant? Is a man supposed to be dominant. In the caveman days, when communication and reasoning skills were at an all time low one could argue males were superior by brute force. But now as we have passed the information age and we enter the age of communication where skills that are traditionally male (strength, physical dominance, risk-it-all, hyper aggressive attitudes) are seen as a liability and traditionally female skills (communication, collaboration, thoughtful leadership) becomes a valued attribute, and where more women are reaching higher levels of education than men, will we see a true shift in our society where men become the housewives, using their muscles for cleaning and child rearing while women use their communication, education, and collaboration to build business and lead their homes. Men don’t need to have hair anymore and it will be hard to find any male model today that has chest hair. No man in the world will object to the feel of silk panties, we men only object because of the perception from others. The point I am trying to make, albeit not very well…I have a penis after all…. is that i believe any man is naturally submissive and only society, including women, allow men to feel and act dominant. I think that will change in the generations ahead and all men will be under some form of female authority. some women hate panties but love chastity devices, other women like full feminization and total control. Either way, our future will be Female led and to that i am certain. It’s just how fast will we get there and with blogs like yours we will get there faster; thank you!
sincerely, a reluctant male who still fights his need to submit to loving female authority.
Hello again dafni and thank you for your excellent comment. Men may use their muscles at times but women use their brains
i think we get where you’re coming from Lady A! 😉
i think i have tried to “top from the bottom” which is what youre describing in the film…but its not what i really want…lack of control is the ultimate…
Thank you for the updates..always a welcome sight!
cj 🙂
Yes, sounds like you have sen the film Jane.