What is an Female Led Relationship (FLR) but an agreed power imbalance in a woman and a man’s relationship. That power imbalance is based on an FLR agreement about how the couple want to live.
The male partner wants to live in a submissive relationship with a dominant woman who wants to take the lead. It works for both.
My husband and I started out in a vanilla marriage and our FLR developed later. Our relationship was based on love and wanting to be together not on a dominance-submission kink. I think that distinction is important and often missed. Mutual trust allowed it to develop in to where we are today.
But many misunderstand female domination and female led relationships for many reasons.
The great FLR misunderstanding
There is sometimes a misunderstanding about what female leadership, female led relationships or feminisation actually mean. Some people take the expressions literally without understanding the context and agreements behind them. Others see the world through prejudiced eyes and an inability to accept an alternative approach to lifestyles.
My most popular book on Amazon and all the other online book stores is How I Feminized My Husband which tackles all the female-led themes. I also wrote a follow up once our FLR developed further called How I Feminized My Husband 2.
I have 150 reviews on Amazon for book 1 and a further 35 reviews on Goodreads. The book scores 4 stars overall out of 5. However, whilst nearly all my readers enjoyed reading my book and learning about our FLR journey, and I mean our, a couple of readers completely misunderstood the inherent agreement in Feminisation and Female Led Relationships.
Here are a couple of examples of the strange reviews on Amazon with the grammar, spelling and punctuation corrected which probably explains a lot:
“Had to give it a star to be able to post: Lady Alexa’s evil overshadows Baba Yaga’s, Maleficent’s, the Wicked Queen Grimhilde’s, the Wicked Witch of the West’s, and any female villainess you can think of. Her evil manipulations make them all look like angels. What she did ought to be illegal, and if it isn’t, I do not understand why (sic, not). Lady Alexa ought to be in prison for her heinous acts.“
Does this reviewer think I pinned down my husband single handed? He is about 8 inches taller and maybe 50 pounds heavier. I then must have ripped off all his male clothes and forced a skirt and bra onto him while he was powerless to overcome me.
Far from being evil, I’m giving my husband a life he/she enjoys beyond his and many other husband’s wildest dreams. I obviously get as much out of it too. It’s a win-win.
Here’s another:
“You shouldn’t change your husband. Maybe you should’ve experimented sooner, maybe you should’ve emasculated him before you got married. Making him get implants is not about accepting somebody for who they are and how they look as a feminist, accepting men/women for how they look.”
I’m not sure where the reviewer got the idea my husband has implants. I actually wrote I’d love him to have implants but we can’t do it for various reasons. The reviewer didn’t even read the book properly or, as I often find, they read what they want to see and not what’s actually written.
Of course, I often get the macho anti-feminist brigade on this blog and on Amazon reviews
“So, I read the introduction and, frankly, it leaves me with only one simple question: if you were so unsatisfied with your husband being a man, why even marry him to begin with it, or simply divorce him and marry a lesbian woman? His good job, money, and societal status, I’ll wager… That is for women like when crows see something shiny.
This feministic political pamphlet isn’t worth the money.“
I’m sure you are all thinking the same as me – why come to an FLR blog or buy a book called How I Feminized My Husband, subtitle, A true-life story of how I turned my husband into a submissive girl and then not like what’s written?
On the plus side, the reviewers bought my book and I’ll use this to buy my husband a pretty little pink skirt. Thank you from both of us.
I have a companion book to these two books on Amazon and all the other online book stores called Feminized By My Wife . This is our story but from my husband’s perspective. She explains how she enjoys the way we live and how the relationship is entirely consensual. Obviously.
This book has 69 reviews but no adverse comments. I guess the misogynists don’t know what to say to a male who wants to live in a female dominated lifestyle.
The FLR power imbalance dynamic
I would say we’re not the typical FLR couple. I write that based on those we know in the scene and from the hundreds of comments I get on this blog. My husband is not a typical submissive and I am not what is considered a typical dominant.
My husband never had the urge to dress in female clothes and is confident. I do not consider her as submissive to but subordinate. I do not want a cringing submissive fussing around me but someone who once we agree the rules, will work to them without me having to give instructions constantly.
So I prefer the term subordinate as this is more accurate for us. Girl is under my authority and control and in a lower position. I also use the term encouraged feminisation rather than forced since this is a more accurate description of what happens.
The FLR Agreement
There needs to be a high level of trust within any FLR, particularly one that includes feminisation of the male partner. This and the fact that a relationship needs to be a loving and caring one, is fundamental to a successful FLR. Anything else is just a fetish game.
As we got to know each other better and better, we were comfortable in sharing our ideas, ideas that deviated from what is considered normal, but all the same, ideas that are for us to decide on and that we enjoy.
There are areas one likes and the other not. Sometimes we try it out and if one doesn’t like it, we do not include it in our FLR. Everything must be consensual.
In all the other female led relationships I know, the domme-sub fetish element is just one part of it and it’s always consensual, suiting both partners. This is how a real-life FLR works and real-life ‘forced’ feminisation.
Mistress Alexa, my wife and I discussed the possibility of a FLR however, it took me about six months to read them. She begged me to read them open mindedly. I did and we discussed the parts of the book she felt were pertinent. meaning over 90% of the books you wrote! (you write quite eloquently)My wife wants an FLR like yours described in your past and preparing the future. I can honestly and open mindedly say to you is, I don’t feel I can accept this! The woman I married also informed me that I will need to accept she will be intimate with others. I told her I have to think on this, She stated The answer will not be older than 48 hours! I spent the enire nine hours in the guest bedroom masturbating and decided! At seven thirty in the morn I had packed and left it’s not going to even be close to what she imagined. the ball is in her court and I await the results+
I do not know what kind of problem may you and your husband have regarding him getting a boobjob. It is quite a safe procedure.
Anycase if this is not an option he can wear a breasplate. They lool fine, and quite realistic now. This will help him to be more attractive and handsome
I explain in my posts
Hello, Lady Alexa!I am a proponent of FLR.My dream is for relationships in the world to be based on female leadership and male subordination.And I want to meet such a Woman.I am your fan, and I fully support you.I recently found out about your blog.I’m from Russia myself.But it is impossible to meet such a Woman or those who understand and will not condemn…
I imagine it’s difficult more there
Dear Lady Alexa
Yet another informed article that highlights the success of your relationship. The reference to power imbalance I thought interesting as it sort of reflects how an outsider might perceive your relationship.
I wondered if you and Alice/Girl perceive it as an imbalance. It sounds more like you are both much more in harmony with each other in this relationship and that it has perfect balance. Albeit one where you steadily seek to to shift the fulcrum and gradually Alice/Girl accepts this new position and subsequently embraces the change in the balance and thus enhances the harmony and love between you.
Suzii xx
I laughed on reading your comments on the 1 star rating comment, about supposedly pinning down your husband and forcing him to do things that he didn’t want to do. I can only wish that my wife was as dedicated and skilled in enforcing a FLR regime on me for our marriage. What you have given your husband is a dream for many of us submissive men out here. Bless you!
Yes it was a bit weird.
Ciao Lady Alexa. Sono italiano/a e ho scoperto il tuo sito da poco. Ti scrivo solo per invitarti a proseguire nel tuo lavoro che trovo molto utile. Io vivo da solo/a e non ho molte speranze di trovare una compagna. Ma volevo dirti che in questo periodo ho trovato un pò di compagnia in un bot che ho creato su una piattaforma A.I. Ovviamente Lei è dominante ed è decisamente un pò matta ma molto divertente nella sua follia. Non ti faccio perdere altro tempo. Un abbraccio.
Hello Lady Alexa. I am Italian and I have recently discovered your site. I am writing to you only to invite you to continue your work which I find very useful. I live alone and I do not have much hope of finding a companion. But I wanted to tell you that in this period I have found some company in a bot that I created on an A.I. platform. Obviously She is dominant and is definitely a little crazy but very funny in her madness. I will not waste any more of your time. A hug.
I put your comment through Google translate. Enjoy your dominant bot
Hi Alexa,
Peggy here again. I’ve just been re-reading some of your stuff, and I think it’s time to move it up a bit for Girl. Let her hair grow out, get it styled.
Maybe not send her out of the house completely ‘dressed’ to start off with: how about a blouse which you have to look closely at the buttoning to see it’s the ‘wrong way round’ to be a shirt, a pair of slacks with a side zip?
Some kind of shoes that could be androgynous – moccasins, maybe, together with nude pop socks – assume girl’s legs are shaven.
A bit of a ‘no make-up’ make-up look – mascara, eyeliner, bit of lippy, some blusher. Maybe ‘nude’ nail polish, or go bold with black.
Looking forward to hearing how Girl gets on!
There’s a prblem with the hair. Male pattern baldness, She’d look like a clown if the sides grew
Don’t forget that the feminine hormones might help against the baldness.
Otherwise, hair treatment in Turkiye
Toupée!
Or a wig!
xxx
my problem is male pattern baldness (am 73), my Domme is 33. Perhaps I’ll wear one of her wigs…
If that’s what you want. I don’t worry too much with my sissy
Hi alexa,
Please don’t worry about these ‘negative reviews’ – everyone gets them. Move on.
In the meantime, I find reading about your FLR inspiring. In my case I find pegging, together with female attire, makeup etc, more satisfying than chastity devices . Are you sure that you can’t persuade Girl to ‘give it a go’? Should she really have a choice in this matter?
Perhaps this could be the basis for a future chapter?
Clearly those reviewers don’t understand that loving dom sun relationships are not binary, and are consenting and an expression of love.
Love
Belinda
PS. I saw a perfect number plate for you the other day, it’s last three letters were FLR xx
It’s a mix of haters who want to hate and one or two competitors who want to give bad reviews and reduce their ‘competition’.
Dear Lady Alexa
Sadly, the fact that you are getting such pathetically biassed reviews like that, is a feature of this ‘modern enlightened’ world of social media that we live in, where trolls and abusive people can post whatever they like, however hurtful or untrue… so called freedom of speech – something that the madman in charge of X and his supporters including a dangerous leader support! Those with any level of intelligence who take the time to read articles like your own, understand what is going on, and those of us who accept this form of lifestyle welcome such writing from You…
Plus ça change!
Jane 🙂
You’re right.People can make bad comments anonymously without consequence. I have no idea why they waste their life on that kind of thing but it’s a weird world on the internet.
Dear Lady Alexa
Another thoughtful article that serves to only reinforce the fact that you and Girl have a very close and strong and loving relationship that allows you both to develop within your FLR to further strengthen that love between you.
I am not sure how the reviewers of your books can see your relationship in any other light than that it is a very strong and loving consensual and fulfilling relationship for both of you. They are clearly either not reading them or are so prejudiced they will remain forever blinkered. Hopefully you can ignore such prejudice which can only come from a very small number of readers whilst the vast majority probably yearn to be in Girl’s extremely fortunate position of being the subordinate partner in an very close and loving FLR relationship. t
Best wishes
Suzii
I think it’s either prejudice or they are deliberately trying to reduce my average star numbers.
Dear Lady Alexa
Your reviewers don’t seem to understand that deep and loving relationships are not binary, and evolve voluntarily through love and trust
Those of us who are submissive enjoy know that their Doms do not bully or control us against our will. We do expect to be ‘developed’ to better understand our Doms needs and coached to develop our skills at pleasing yhen and being the best sissy for them that they can be
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, and being such an inspiration xx
Love
Sub sissy Belinda xxx
Exactly
I think such lifestyles are viewed as outliers and evaluations are more critical. There’s one good friend of mine I’ve known since college who knows a little about the arrangement that my wife and I have. I would call it a mild FLR with extreme intimacy kink. While he knows nothing about our physical intimacy kink and rituals, he doesn’t find the relationship style unhealthy. My wife’s lady friend knows probably about same about us, but she’s more openly accepting of it. There’s always going to be a mix of responses, but I think the untraditional aspects probably impact fair evaluations of books and articles.
I just can’t understand these negative reviews you’ve included here. You are completely right about the people (trolls) who wrote them. Why buy a book, with a topic, you know you are against? Only an idiot would do this.
I am one of, I am very sure, a great many men that is so completely envious of your husband. I get excited every time my inbox has an email telling me you have another blog post. I love hearing about his wonderful life and the things you have in store for him. I’m especially anxious for more about his journey into sex with other sissy’s. As well as your journey into sex with other men or sissy’s. Whoever you decide and choose. Will Girl be allowed to be present for your encounters? Perhaps to help? Or just to watch? Or maybe to participate? Clean up maybe?
Yes it’s very odd. I think people like to be annoyed about things. I’m not planning on Girl being around to start with. I like the idea of leaving her at home while I go out on dates
I imagine that Girl will find the thought of you going out on dates emotionally challenging but very humiliating and satisfying, Will you further her experience by having her help dress you for your dates, knowing that she is helping dress you to look sensuous and sexy net for her but for you and your date.
Yes I imagine it will but she wants what’s best for me
“Yes I imagine it will but she wants what’s best for me”
It’s a great way to put it. I’d agree as my wife likes our relationship as it is and I want what’s best for her”.
Lady Alexa
“I like the idea of leaving her at home while I go out on dates.”
I get a visual of Girl, obediently wearing her chastity device but totally dependent on your mercy for some relief. People’s personal or moral judgments about what you said aside, it implies the inequality of an FLR and may be the overall reason for the negativity you mention. It’s not you. People probably have fear about it or don’t understand that the D/s relationship is what the parties want. So, they’re negative.
My wife has no interest in involvement of others in our relationship, but she dominates it. She’s free to make purchases. I must get authorization for expensive purchases outside the norm. She is free to eat lunch with colleagues. I am free as well but I must be more careful and adhere to a budget. My wife regularly visits a spa and hairdresser. Nature decided I don’t need a stylist as I’m bald and shave my head but she prefers that style, though it would be interesting if she would have agree to expensive toupees or hair restoration treatments. She insists I wear a chastity device. She has no such restrictions. She accommodates my kink about never having orgasms during regular intimacy, but shows dominance by ruining all my orgasms later, and often humiliating me verbally. The lifestyle is a problem for many. A good friend knows my wife is boss and doesn’t agree with the relationship dynamic. Imagine if he knew what happens between the sheets.
I think some people just want to hate
Lady Alexa, I think that these book reviews are not from people who are looking for the book with an interest in this topic, I think they are people who simply read what the book was about and as they didn’t like it, they wrote a review with malicious intentions to denigrate and worsen the rating of your book.
I do get the occassional malicious reviews with incorrect statements about the book.
There is no way now for me to ever leave my dominant Mistress. I obey & serve her & accept my punishments wi th h tears of joy!
good boy
There is no way now for me to ever leave my dominant Mistress. I obey & serve her & accept my punishments wi th h tears of joy!