If your partner is keen on exploring BDSM with you then that’s great. However, for many, finding a person they connect with on a kinkster level is not always that easy.

There are escorts available to engage with consensually but it’s important that you don’t mistake them for the male escorts that provide social services and companionship for women.

This article explores the world of BDSM toys and kinksters and is a guest post.

Kinksters and BDSM toys. Mmmmm, what fun.

Exploring the World of BDSM Sex Toys and Tools

Interest in kinks has become more commonplace and more accepted over the past several years thanks to literature and movies. That said, finding someone who can “match your freak” can be difficult. You need to make sure that you’re both on the same page before you can start engaging in play.

After chatting with your partner, and finding each other’s boundaries, you will both be able to move forward to explore the world of kink with each other in a safe and exciting way.

In this article, we look at the different kinks that you can engage in with your partner, as well as the different sex toys and tools to help increase the pleasure you experience.

Learning about limits and boundaries

Once you’ve found someone to explore BDSM with, the next step would be to get together with your partner and create a list of kinks and toys you are willing to explore. This list should have three sections:

1. The things you are OK with engaging in,
2. The things you want to explore and learn about safely with someone else,
3. Those things you are not comfortable with.

It’s good to create this list together so you don’t cross any boundaries accidently or otherwise. The basis of BDSM is that everything you engage in is done so with explicit consent from everyone involved and respecting everyone’s limits.

This consent and limit gives way to trust which is essential when you conduct a BDSM session. Without these three key factors, you risk unintentionally hurting your partner – emotionally or physically.

Other safety factors

Now that boundaries, consent and trust have been discussed, there are other safety measures you need to think about. These safety measures make sure your BDSM session runs smoothly and that everyone involved comes out feeling great.

1. Toys and tools safety

Once you’ve agreed what toys and other paraphernalia can be used, you have to make sure that you are using quality stuff. There are plenty of adult shops and BDSM stores that provide high-quality toys that will last during play and prevent any accidents.

Naturally, keeping toys and tools clean and sanitised also needs to be considered, especially if you are engaging in blood play and other kinks that involve bodily fluids.

2. Remember safewords and systems

There are two ways to practice kinks safely: you can either use the traffic light system or safewords. A combination of both might also be a good idea. You can also make use of hand signals if you use a gag on your partner, for example.

The traffic light system of safe kink: The traffic light system uses the three colours of the traffic light as an explainer of how you are feeling during the session. Green means that everything is good and you are comfortable. Orange or amber means that you are skirting on uncomfortable territory and to slow down. Red means to stop play altogether.

The safeword system of safe kink: Instead of the traffic light system, you can implement the use of a safeword. This is a word that you will agree together and is not commonly said during sex which is used to stop the session immediately one or the other becomes uncomfortable or the session has moved into territory you do not like.

The importance of aftercare

After a session and the intense emotions experienced, you need to help your partner come from down the emotions and shower them with care – both physically and emotionally. This will help strengthen your bond with each other.

Exploring the world of kinks

If you had to compile a list of kinks and fetishes, this article would become a thick book. The great thing about kinks is that any one of them can fall under the umbrella term BDSM.

BDSM branches off into three main groups:

• Bondage and Discipline,
• Dominance and Submission,
• and Sadism and Masochism.

Kinks are versatile and can be performed in conjunction with other kinks. In a session, there is usually the person with authority – the dominant, or dom/domme, and the person who is subservient – the submissive or sub.

Feminisation

This kink often sees gender roles being reversed, and the sub, usually a man, is dressed up in women’s clothes and is treated as a woman. This is a branch of a humiliation kink and men undergo ‘training’ by the domme to act more feminine. This is not to be confused with fem-dom.

Fem-Dom

These are female-led relationships where a woman takes the lead as the domme and their partner is submissive. The woman is given most of the control and authority in this relationship. Fem-dom works in conjunction with multiple other kinks.

Rope Play

This kink falls under bondage, and the sub is tied up using a specialised rope. This restricts the sub’s movement during play. Other terms for more intricate and artful rope play are known as shibari or kinbaku. This is when the rope used to restrict the sub is tied ad knotted artistically and the sub can sometimes be suspended using the rope.

Role Play

Have you ever wished you were someone else? Perhaps a figure in history, someone with more authority, a different career, or someone not you entirely. By roleplaying you can take on a persona for a few hours during the session.

This is a great way for subs to get out of their shell, especially if they are shy.

Sensory deprivation

If you want a heightened experience, then sensory deprivation is the play for you. This is the restriction of one of your senses during play so that your other senses can be heightened. Most bondage acts restrict your ability to touch, with this kink, your senses that can be restricted can be your sight by using a blindfold or your hearing by using earmuffs.

With one sense cut off, your other senses will work overtime trying to figure out your dom’s next move.

Wax Play

This plays on your body’s nerve endings. Wax play can be performed in conjunction with sensory deprivation to elicit a more intense emotion. The wax is hot, but safe for the skin when used.

Fetishes

Unlike kinks which is a preference, fetishes are an attraction and sexual need for specific things. Foot fetishes are the ones that are most commonly known, but there are other fetishes such as latex fetishes, high heels, uniforms, suits, leather and piercings, to name a few.

Edging and orgasm control

Ever felt a sneeze build up and you lose it the last moment? Now take this and apply it to an orgasm. Edging and orgasm control allows the domme to control the release of their sub. Subs are constantly brought to the edge by their dom and are only allowed to orgasm when the Dom says so.

Often, the session can end in a ruined orgasm for the sub, but this experience is enjoyable for them.

For more on Lady Alexa’s take on this topic, take a look at The Orgasm Gap and here Orgasms Are For Women.

Voyeurism and exhibitionism

If you like to watch or be watched then these kinks are for you. Voyeurism is enjoying watching others having sex, while exhibitionism is others watching you have sex and engaging in sexual activities.

While this can be done in a safe space at home, there are also specialised clubs that allow patrons to engage in these activities consensually and in a safe environment.

Praise and humiliation

Dirty talk doesn’t always cut it. For these times, you and your partner can engage with praise and humiliation during play. Depending on the preference of the sub, the domme can say degrading remarks or offer the sub praise during the session. Hearing these kinds of remarks in a sexual setting can help the sub reach an elevated level of satisfaction.

Useful toys and tools to help explore kinks

While several kinks can be performed without toys, there are quite a few that make the experience more intense during a session. Most of these toys are specially made for the purpose of BDSM sessions, so it’s important to get them from accredited stores, for the safety of you and your sub.

Wax for wax play

For couples that like to engage in sensory play, there is specially made wax designed for this purpose in mind. It won’t harm the skin, without compromising the actual product and session.

Bondage restraints

Whichever way you are planning on tying up your sub, there are several options for you to choose from. For rope play, there is a rope that is specially treated to not chafe too much against the skin when you tie up your sub.

There are also multiple types of handcuffs, including those made from silicone, velvet-lined leather handcuffs and metal ones that are enclosed in soft material.

If you prefer not to use handcuffs, you can also opt for silk scarves that can be used for restaining and for blindfolding your partner.

For more intense restrictions, you can use bondage tape, and spreader bars to prevent the movement of hands and legs of your partner.

Blindfolds

If you are engaging in sensory deprivation, you can use a cloth blindfold or scarf on your partner, or you can use an eye mask to cover your sub’s eyes. All these options will adequately block out their sight and heighten their other senses, like touch and sounds during play.

Chastity cage

If you are into discipline and bondage as part of your sessions, a chastity cage prevents stimulation for the wearer. This is a great way to edge your sub and control their orgasm. There are many kinds of chastity cages and belts that are specifically designed for men and women.

Impact play toys

Spanking and hitting your partner in a consensual setting is a widely recognised kink in BDSM circles. Commonly used tools are whips, paddles, riding crops, and floggers. These are often designed from materials that bring out the most sensations, without posing danger to the subs.

These are used to often discipline subs for various reasons.

Gags

A mouthy sub can be hushed with an array of oral toys. The most commonly used gags are the bit gag and the ball gag. The bit or the ball is fixed over the mouth and fastened with the bands attached. This prevents the sub from speaking

Sensation toys

These are toys used to bring out the excitement in subs through their sensation of touch. If your sub has sensitive nipples, then you will want to use clamps. To elicit a physical response, you can use an array of sensation toys such as a Wartenberg wheel for pain and feathers to tickle them.

Other toys

For direct stimulation, doms can use an array of vibrators and dildos on their partner. There are also prostate massagers, vibrating anal plugs and cock rings that can be used to bring your partner to the edge or for pegging.

Parting thoughts

Exploring your kinks can be a daunting thought, but once you find someone who shares the same interests as you, there are a number of kinks you can engage in and toys that you can use in a safe and consensual environment.

The world of kinks is vast, and while there may be things that you don’t like, there will be plenty that are right up your alley. Engaging in these exciting sessions in your bedroom can only be achieved with explicit trust and respect for each other.

Have fun and stay safe out there.