There is a fantasy that says that dominant women are tyrants and abusive. In real life, I am a loving, caring and benevolent mistress. As are other mistresses I know who live a female-led relationship.

The idea of the aggressive mistress dressed in black leather, vertiginous heels and brandishing a whip is part of the false narrative around femdom and forced feminisation: the harridan who makes their submissive tremble and inflicts terrible physical punishment on their weak bodies.

This is not true outside of professional mistresses. Although I do sometimes wear the high heels.

There’s a large fiction market for this type of thing and I stray into this in my own femdom fiction novels. But it doesn’t work in a real relationship.

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A caring FLR

For me, being a benevolent caring mistress is the only way to live when you are in a real-life Female-Led Relationship. I need rules of course and my submissive sissy husband Alice has to abide by them. She has to show a deep respect to me, be a well-behaved sissy girl and do the chores like the housework.

Obviously. I am the Mistress Of The House.

But the fictional uncaring mistress doesn’t exist in a real relationship only in fetish stories and in paid femdom sessions. And that’s because the professional mistresses have no relationship with their submissive.

In a real FLR, we care for and love our submissives and we’re both getting something from the asymmetric relationship.

I don’t like to hurt my sissy husband and she doesn’t enjoy pain. So beyond light spanking and slaps, I never hurt her. But if we both enjoyed that, then we’d do it as some couples do.

Yes, I do give punishment. I spank my sissy and I think that’s necessary to show where she sits in the relationship status. Submissive. I particularly like to spank her little clitty and pussy balls. Never a hard kick like in some fetish videos but light slaps with my hand.

Submissive sissies need discipline to ensure they behave correctly and to learn who’s in charge. It’s to show control and give direction on behaviours rather than imparting actual pain.

As is my control of her orgasms and cumming. Control as in not permitting orgasm/cumming but as a married couple, I do not want her in permanent chastity. I lock her away only if I’m out and I want to be sure she’d not playing with herself.

It’s obvious in any relationship that a male playing with himself in private is a poor reflection of the relationship. And when your partner is a sissy, this is far worse and they don’t own their little clitties, their mistresses do.

I would never harm Alice. Sometimes I’ll spank her bottom and make it a little red, to make it sting, but no more. Once it’s stinging though, I’ll rub it better and soothe her. Just as when I stop her cumming, I don’t mock her but I rub her little erect clitty lightly, lovingly and soothingly.

I always tell her she’s a good girl for not making a nasty mess that Mistress doesn’t like while rubbing it lightly with my fingertips.

And I always tell her how I love to see and feel her clitty erect as it makes me feel loved and desired and how her erection shows me respect. These are all gentle but constant reminders why I have the no sissy orgasm rule.

Being caring and showing how you care as a Mistress works so well and far better than any shouting, hitting or nastiness. It shows your submissive how a Mistress appreciates their good behaviour.

Some people tell me I should make her do sissy activities as a hobby, like needlework, but I don’t subscribe to that either. I always allow Alice to watch sport on the TV and even to go to live events. This has always been a passion of hers even when she was a proper male. I might restrict things as a punishment if she had been really bad but she rarely is as she loves our lifestyle too.

Why would she misbehave? And why would I deny her some pleasure? I want her to enjoy life too. There’s more to lifestyle than a strict FLR where you withhold your husband’s rights and pleasures. If you do this, the relationship is broken as there’s no enjoyment.

There’s more to life than being a mistress and submissive. That’s the foundation but not the entire building

Anyway, it’s amusing to see her when watching sport on TV as she jumps around in a little skirt when excited about something and that normalises her feminisation. Allowing normal couple activities avoids any resentment building and the need for extra enforcement.

And in the end, the love a mistress gives is equal to the love she takes

Being caring makes things easier on me. If our FLR is caring and loving, my husband will see that there are huge benefits to accepting me dressing her up and treating her as a sissy girl. It gives me intense pleasure to put her in the most outrageous sissy clothing at times.

And we are married after all and she does everything for me. As long as she remembers that my needs come first then I’ll always allow her to enjoy the things she enjoys too. It works both ways.

The benevolent mistress

I believe that a benevolent mistress ultimately gets more from their submissive partner than someone who is overbearing. If that type of relationship does indeed even exist. I’ve met a few people in relationships like ours now and I can say they all operate in a similar fashion to mine. The woman is in charge but rarely, if ever, has to resort to any nasty stuff.

It’s a woman’s world here in my corner of London, I am more than happy with that.