There are a lot of wrong assumptions about real Female-Led Relationships. These assumptions are based entirely on the fetish angle, as if that is the reality of an FLR for every second. Indeed, it was why I began this blog in the first place, writing about how to live an FLR in the real world.
The focus on the FLR fetish side is also why I get so many emails from men asking how to find a Mistress to feminise them and live in an FLR. Or how to get their wife to feminise them and start an FLR. Wrong questions entirely. The reality of an FLR is different and the fetish element is only part of what is, in real life, also a wider vanilla-type relationship.
I do not write about the everyday vanilla side to our life because it’s just the same as everyone else’s. It’s possibly 90% of our time. We do a lot together, and share similar interests, but writing about going shopping, to the cinema, a show, watching TV or going on a weekend city break to Manchester is not what readers here want. Nor is it interesting. Readers want the 10% fetish bit, which is the fun bit.
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I don’t spend my life humiliating my husband or being bossy as that would be tiring. Mostly, I’m just quietly in charge and it’s accepted. But somehow, many people seem to imagine we spend every minute doing fetish things.
A Day To Day FLR
After many years in the Femdom scene and through my writing, I’ve got to know couples in real-life FLRs. These relationships are all different but they share one common theme: none openly show their feminisation and fetish element to the outside world.
That’s not to say an external FLR doesn’t exist. One of my TG/TV friends knows a couple who live as a threesome with the husband permanently feminised and locked. The wife’s lover spends a lot of time with them. They often go out as a threesome, and on holiday together. The husband is only ever permitted to wear female clothes at all times and has no sex with his wife.
I also have friends where the husband often goes out en-femme with us and their adult daughter knows about their lifestyle in so much as he dresses that way. Probably not some of the other things they do, of course.
But these two examples are less common in my experience including my own.
I don’t know any strong woman who has the energy or the interest to be a Mistress 24/7. An FLR has to be the basis of a relationship with both parties living that way without constant reminders.
So how does a real FLR work?
I have more bad news for fantasists; our FLR and what we do is agreed by both of us. It’s not just about the sexual fantasies of my husband or my demands. I don’t force my husband to do a single thing she doesn’t like. I may push and persuade. I’m certainly pushy, but that’s it. I’d like to peg my husband very much but I don’t; she doesn’t like large objects in her behind. It gives her no pleasure and it only causes her pain and that is not enjoyment.
So no more emails about how to find a woman to feminise you. Girl and I married for love and common interests and the FLR side grew from that, not the other way around.
We both get something from everything we do otherwise what’s the point?
I used to get a lot of comments about how I don’t permit my husband to orgasm. People thought it was unfair and selfish of me. Well, that was agreed between us too and my reasons for wanting this accepted by Girl and she loves the feeling of my utter control over her body in this way.
I also get comments about how my ideas about cuckolding my husband will force her away. Does anyone not think that we have not discussed this latest idea of mine? Does anyone not think that I would cuckold her if she was vehemently against it and it hurt her emotionally? I don’t want to cause my husband utter misery. Or that maybe, I might even decide it’s actually not for me or us as a couple and not do it?
The fact is, cuckolding appeals to my husband’s lust for intense humiliation and my desire for power, control and even more sex. It’s a win-win in theory.
The things we do in our FLR give both of us a lot of pleasure. In fact, it can be difficult because I have so many naughty ideas that I’m sometimes reluctant to propose them to my husband. I don’t want to damage the underlying relationship.
FLR Consequences
Remember, the fetishes we practise in our wife-led marriage are not the purpose of our relationship. They are a consequence of it. So again, please don’t write to me asking how to find an FLR. You need to find a loving relationship with the person you want to be with first. If you have common interests and desires and one of those desires is for an FLR, it will happen.
And remember, my husband works with me on this blog by working on the technical side and by proof reading everything I do. She also works with me on my books by proof reading, structuring the novels, designing the covers and uploading them to Amazon and the other online book sites. And she has access to my social media sites and uploads some of my the book marketing posts, especially on X and reposts things she likes too.
She therefore sees all the comments here and on X and has access to my email on ladyalexa@mail.com. She will even answer some readers although you will know when she does as she identifies herself as Alice.
So, she knows exactly what is going on and what I’m writing about.
Moving forward in an FLR
I believe as we get older, wiser and more accepting of differences through experience, relationships will develop and change.
It’s why our FLR is going through a number of changes at the moment. It’s fair to admit that the majority of ideas, starting off with my husband’s feminisation, all began with me. Occasionally, she’ll put forward an idea but mostly it’s me. She proposed me slapping her more often, for example, which I really enjoy but was worried about.
I then take my latest idea forward carefully and bring her around to acceptance generally although sometimes not.
There are some FLR fetishes we will never do do. Baby play with nappies is just weird. Any form of extreme sadism where there is pain and/or blood is not nice for us. Pegging (although I like to use a small butt plug on her and a gloved finger) is out as Girl doesn’t enjoy it. Toilet play is also off the agenda although I’m attracted to the idea of me or others weeing on my husband although not in her mouth. That’s just yucky.
There are other factors that also drive what we want to do but I’m not going to share the details online. There are people we know who read my work and some things are too personal. It’s fair to say that my husband is not as highly sexed as me and not as big down below as some I’ve seen and would like to experience.
We have also made mistakes and I’ve sometimes been too pushy and my husband too keen to please so we learn from those moments.
Things we would once have thought of as extreme are now in play or being considered. It was a long time before I thought about orgasm denial for my husband. The benefits of it became much stronger the more I thought about it. I now see the benefits and it’s here to stay.
The same with my ideas about my husband having relationships with other sissies. I don’t think it will be a regular thing but I believe it can become an occasional part of my humiliation armoury. She’s 100% heterosexual so making her do kind of thing that is exquisite. For both of us for different reasons.
The same goes for cuckolding. I have a strong attraction to this for multiple reasons although I don’t know how far we’ll take it. My husband likes the concept through the extreme humiliation angle which is what drives her. She also agrees that, as with orgasm denial, cuckolding would scratch the same itches for me as she can’t keep up with me.
We both like the idea of me telling her in some detail about being taken out by men, what I’ve done with them as lovers and why they were better than her. And all the while my husband has to stay at home locked and waiting for me. It’s something my new Mistress friend does to her partner and it works very well for them.
My other Mistress friend is also sexually demanding and loves to go out a lot like me so uses her male dates for being wined and dined and then for sex. She keeps her partner at home locked with no access to the key.
I’m warming to the idea of cutting back on sex with my husband. Sometimes I think I’ll stop entirely but other times not as I love to stop her before she orgasms. This gives me a lot of pleasure in the power and control I have. I also like the idea of her seeing me in a sexy nightie in bed but she’s not permitted to do anything because I’ve been satisfied by a lover earlier.
And please no emails offering to date me and have sex. I have no problem whatsoever finding men in the real world. No problem at all.
The Reality of an FLR
The reality is that I and my husband discuss every step we take. I may have the ideas but I discuss them first with her. We try them out and, if either of us don’t like them, we stop. This blog and my books How I Feminised My Husband 1 & 2 document several of those times when we backed away. Earrings and real tits are two such times since my husband thought them too obvious.
We agreed to live an FLR and as time has gone on, we have both wanted to go further in this area. It was my husband who first brought up the idea of making our relationship more extreme and persuading me I should do exactly what I want. She insists I focus on my needs as that was a true FLR.
She says she’d like me being a bit of a brat and more demanding and direct in private which I find hard. Not because I don’t want to, I do, but because I have this other side holding me back. Some internal barriers are hard to break through.
The mistress friend of mine who cuckolds her partner likes dating other men. She suggested I might like to as well. I like the idea but I’m nervous as you might expect. It breaks with convention and also how human’s tend to be.
I have discussed it many times with my husband and she is excited by it too. She reminds me once again that an FLR needs to be about my pleasure and desires. She’s uncomfortable with the reality too, of course, but as excited as am I. It’s a big step to take.
Let’s see, we need to tread carefully. However, since sex in our relationship is about my pleasure, this seems a logical next step.
As always, let me know your experiences and opinions on the topics I’ve raised here. Everyone is different.
Sorry alice… id be doing you a disservice if I didn’t point this out the second paragraph first sentence has some typos and I believe it’s your job to edit this post hopefully lady Alexa will deal with it accordingly.
I don’t see any typos
“The focus on the FLR fetish side is also why I get so many mails asking how to find to Mistress to feminise the person writing to me and live in an FLR.”
How to find to mistress. I assume should read “how to find a mistress”
It was a typo and now corrected
Yes ma’am,
Sorry if came across as rude or anything. I am sure you have high standards as ive been following you for some time now. My wife is in the process of tightening the reigns around her house as well. Daily bra and panty is required in her home, she liked your landing strip blog and implemented that as well. Following your blog is a favorite of ours. Thank you for your response and time.
Dear Miss Alexa,
Thank you again for letting us in to your FLR. I love trying to understand and visualize your relationship. You wrote that your relationship is 90% non kinky and 10% kinky, but Girl is dressed at home always, correct? Don’t choose what she wears or is it ok as long as it is up to code? Does she get to walk through the house to change? Or is there a sort of airlock where she changes at least her shoes? Maybe it’s more than 10%.
And have you considered a sort of heightened peak day rules? Like weekends with a chain between her ankles. You might find it powerful to see (and hear) her take more tiny steps to cross a room.
Best,
Matt
When I say 90-10 I’m referring to actual playing not clothing or naming or living the lifestyle.
Dear Lady Alexa.
i have been following You and Girl on Your FLR journey since the beginning. i am curious how You reconcile something that You really, really, want with Girl’s reluctance on the same issue. i am thinking specifically about Your desire for Girl to have sexual relations with and get penetrated by another sissy without climaxing, while in Your presence. What is Your plan for resolving this seeming impasse? Will You acquiesce to Girl’s resistance out of your love for her, or will You convince her that pleasing You is her primary duty and is necessary for the continued growth of Your FLR?
Thanks for taking the time to read this. chanel.
I think I answered this by email but anyway. I don’t force Girl to do anything she’d really hate but it’s a balance. Reluctance is not the same as hating something. I expect my husband to at least try and we’ll see what happens. I may acquiesce to her being penetrated as I know that sissy vagina penetration is not something that works for her and is uncomfortable and has no pleasure. However, I do think that if I keep returning to the idea she may become more amenable. I do believe however that sucking a sissy’s clitty is not the same and now she has done that it will become more regular. She’s not over-enthusiastic about it but admits there is something about the humuliation aspect that intrigues her.
I’m so glad to read a FLR commentary that reflects a reality that most stories and blogs ignore for the sake of sensationalism. Personally, it wouldn’t work, though parts of it appeal. I keep reading because I’m looking for the nuggets of how to please a wife, how can I be a better husband to somebody who has rejected every fetish-type thing I’ve suggested in the past. Truth be told, she seems to enjoy telling me what to do while pretending to be just an equal partner. Anyway, thank you for an honest view of what a full-on FLR is, and that it isn’t just a TV bimbo factory of fluffing and humiliation. If your Alice can handle what you desire, good for her. What you’re describing would simply break me with no joy in it.
Unlike most FLR couples we know, I initated our lifestyle. My Mistress friend and her subby met at a Femdom event so they were both looking for the same thing. For all the other FLR couples we know, the male explained what he was looking for early in the relationship pre-marriage and the girlfriend liked the idea after a bit of thought and trial. The point is, if your wife isn’t into it, she’s not into it. It’s probably too late.
Exalted Lady Alexa
An excellent post yet again displaying your deep understanding of your FLR relationship with Girl and how the desire to cuckold her is as much her desire as yours. I hope she finds the humiliation of seeing you enjoy and taking a much larger cock as the most exquisite sensual and gratifying experience that I enjoyed with my Mistress.
It is extremely humiliating to realise that you are unable to satisfy your Mistress and that she will use others to satisfy herself, but whilst you both need to be comfortable with this development if it works for you both the Girl may find that she is deeply satisfied by the experience and if she is as submissive as I will embrace the desire to be cuckolded regularly.
.
Girl wants what’s best for me although she’s struggling with the idea of cuckolding. It’s a case of taking things slowly I think.
Slow and patient is probably best. Girl is understandably finding this difficult but in wanting what’s best for you she will I think get there and be rewarded with a deeply satisfying level of humiliation she has not yet had the pleasure of experiencing,
Yes, that’s the best way I believe.
Such a great answer to many of Your true fantasist followers Lady A.
i am sadly a very frustrated fantasist with a high sex drive still but who has a strong sense of realism running through me. I have to accept reality and the vanilla world are very much in evidence during everyday life!
i love how You and Girl have reached an amazing balance in life though, and how You are at one with your direction of travel, even though it can be quite stressful along the way for half the partnership!
i would love to be able to say that my own marriage has followed a similar route like so many on here, but i cant; thats just how it is. It lifts me however to be able to read a blog that i feel and trust (and hope) is the genuine article – a true account of a happily married couple who get on with life but have that amazing catalytic piece of spice to liven things up and makes living fun and exciting. Dont get me wrong, i still lead a happy life, but the adrenaline junky in me persists well into my 60s and i always want more excitement and what your dear Girl is going through really fits the bill!
Losing control in the sexual arena is something most men dont even think about.. i know i didnt use to!..how things can change! i have no idea why humiliation and servitude can get the juices flowing in our jumbled and busy minds…but for some, it definitely does. Vive la difference!
i salute you both on your journey and honesty and as always read Your blog with excitement and jealousy!.. i truly experience this all by proxy! lol…
Thank you again Lady Alexa for Your writings…. as a closet sissy it would be so much fun to meet with girl but the frequency of time out alone as jane is dwindling logarithmically..
The eternal optimist remains positive and i never say never! lol..
Good luck on Your next chapter…it has all the makings of a best seller!
🙂
jane
Part 3 of How I Feminised My Husband maybe
Is there going to be Part 3 of How I Demonized My Husband? I am enjoying Part 1 and have Part 2 waiting. I am just starting to learn about FLR, your blog and book have helped. Thank you, Ginnie
I think you mean feminized. I have no current plans to write a book 3
All well and good but….maybe make a stronger case and and actually walk your talk by losing the fetish ads and images every other paragraph
I usually delete comments from idiots who don’t ready things properly but I thought I’d reply to this one. I never said I don’t have a fetish, I wrote we don’t do it 24/7, maybe 10% of the time. Besides, how do you suggest I pay for my blog and time writing? I could charge you for reading it? No, I thought not.
Anyway, next time, read things through properly before making a comment.
All so-true Lady Alexa. It’s wonderful that you are educating about the other side of FLR. Our FLR is similar in that we have intense kinky moments but it’s a small percentage of our time. However 24/7 I am submissive to my wife by obeying her, always yielding to her authority and decisions and seeking to please her. If I don’t obey or meet her expectations there are consequences for me. At the core of our relationship is that we love and care for each other. On the surface things that my wife does to me may seem cruel or mean but it’s what I want. She would never do anything that makes me miserable.
One thing that is different compared to your relationship is I am the one that desires more kink and extreme dominance. Sometimes I wish my wife would be more demanding and do more kinky things but we have found a balance that works for both of us.
I love reading how you push your hubby’s limits. It’s such an erotic mind rush for me when my wife does something I did not expect and uses her seductive feminine power to push my limits. I am no match for her power.
Hi Lady Alexa!
Everything about your post rings true. When we began our journey five years ago we had no idea that we would be where we are today. The only game plan is that there isn’t one. It’s an ever evolving relationship that determines the journey. For us it has been wonderful. We are so on the same page and we are even closer now than we thought we were before we started our FLR relationship. It’s so true, 90 percent of our daily life is in the vanilla world. But the other 10 percent…😊 I can wear feminine undergarments and temporary sissy tattoos and piercings during the day and no one but us knows.
Our relationship is full on sissy when we have our alone time. For us we gave a BBC fetish so we both really enjoy the company of a Bull. He’s dominating toward me and an equal to Her there for her pleasure and to use me at her whim and for her entertainment. She loves watching me serve Him. Our best experience has been a recent one when we both experienced two Bulls together laying next to each other, amazing. I’m now in my fufu clip 24/7. Again I can wear that in the vanilla world. It comes off when she wants to experience my tcock, when I’m dressed as her sissy. Now that fall is upon us my toes are painted and again we both know but everyone else….. We have grown so close. It’s a wonderful way of life. I love serving her. She loves me pleasing a Bull or playing with another sissy or tgirl. We love watching Trans and interracial porn together. We have incorporated BDSM into all of our play and we love it. She loves to watch me pee on myself and She has started peeing on me as well. Very erotic. Our new avenue is now underway….puppy play. We have some property and the other night she took me on my first walk. Amazing. If you had told me any of this would have happened I would have not believed it. As you said you can’t just start this kind of relationship from the get go. But you must have a great partner, a common healthy sex life and a lot of trust and open communication. For us a Her lead and our willingness to explore has led us down a thrilling road. At times I’ve been nervous, apprehensive and unsure. Now, however; I couldn’t imagine it any different than how it is!
Nice to read, Vicki. It sounds a similar path to ours. I doubt I’ll go the bull route as I prefer beta males and sissies but the idea is the same. We pretend my husband is a puppy but I do keep my sissy husband naked often and occassionally attach a dog lead/cat collar to her genitals in a kind of slave way. I did that for the entire evening once when my Mistress friend and subby came to see us.
Thank you for writing this.
It is also the reason i started my own blog too, to try and act as a corrective to the online (male) fantasy portrayal of what a 24/7 FLR relationship is like.
There are other real-life FLRs who have blogs too all of which offer a far more realistic insight into the daily reality of such relationships than do most online protrayals, which are mostly based on male fantasies.
You have a great blog btw and it is fascinating to see the evolution of your own relationship with girl
p
x
Glad you enjoye dit. Let me know about the other blogs so I can take a look
A well thought out approach. Your FLR certainly sounds healthy and balanced (albeit more in the Dominant’s favor 😁)
I look forward to tales of your continuing evolution. Best of fortune to you.
I think you may be right about balanced as both get something from it.
This is a great article! I have a fantastic wife. We just celebrated our 8th anniversary and have been together almost 10. She let me wear her sports bra the 1st time we slept together. (I say it was our 1st date she says it was the 2nd)
(it took me years to learn how to spring my fetish on dates. Trust me, I ruined many chances with women by using the wrong approach.)
We do not have a fantastic sex life, but she does make me happy.
We don’t quite have a FLR but we are close. She lets me dress at home, and we love shopping together. We vacation exclusively in Europe, and on our trips everything I wear is female except for my shoes and usually my outer shirt. Last week in Belfast I wore womens shoes to dinner for the 1st time.
We love shopping together and she loves buying me clothes more than she like me wearing them.
More power to you but I don’t think anyone is going to find a women who is looking to petticoat a guy or go into a relationship with that goal.
Of course there are women who like a submissive man but I’ve never met one.
I like what you say about your FLR with your husband. You set the rules for your pleasure as it should be. As a sissy submissive l follow my Dom’s instructions and perform to please her.
She regularly uses sdh to keep me in my place and keeps me regularly in chastity.
A number of older men suitors date and bed my lady and I get to watch sometimes or hear about her affairs later.
I’m lucky to serve a powerful woman and she is fair (like you) But knows how to push my feminine buttons.
you are lucky to have a Domme. All men should
True there are many macho men who refuse such ideas of course but they don’t know what they’re missing! It’s so sexy to please my powerful domme and worship her beaytiful body and receive attention. To be teased and see her enjoy men with superior size cocks is a privilege. To have my domme feminise me is a dream.