Softening masculinity remains a key element in ensuring success in my female-led relationship. I call it de-masculinisation although I’m not sure if that’s a word but it works for me. That’s the beauty of the English language: it’s flexible.
I guess my made-up word de-masculinisation is a king of synonym for feminisation but I want to emphasise the removal of masculinity rather than then the implementation of feminisation. So I’ll use my new word de-masculinisation for this article to focus on the process of softening masculinity.
Demasculinisation strategies
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There are many elements to softening masculinity in your male partner. You will obviously change their clothing and hairstyle, introduce them to makeup, give them a female name and pronouns, force them to use more gentle movements and so on.
But this is often surface feminisation and since we’re not open about it socially, quite a challenge.
These surface elements are vital around the home, of course, and they all go a long way to softening your husband’s masculinity. But you could still end up with a male in female clothes, someone who may still want to ‘top from the bottom’ or treats it all as a fun sex game.
Demasculinisation
Dealing with your husband or partner’s genitals is a priority. I have dealt with what I consider a big issue many times on my website: My Thoughts On A Sissy’s Clitty, Controlling The Feminised Male Clitty and Redesigning Your Sissy’s Clitty and Sissy Mess Prevention.
In these articles, I covered the range of tactics I used to feminise my sissy husband Alice’s ‘bits’ and to humiliate them. This ranges from renaming her genitals to clitty and pussy, decoration and shaving.
But why is this so important?
The answer to this goes back to the whole reason for forced feminisation in a female led relationship. We, as female leaders, need to strip away masculinity from our partners as it is ultimately toxic to any relationship.
Males are fine and I enjoy my playing and using my sissy’s bits but I don’t like the baggage of aggression and competiveness that comes with masculinity.
Submissive vulnerability is the desired outcome for the male in an FLR. Feminising, humiliating and owning their genitals gives this vulnerability.
I’m not talking about making my sissy husband into a real woman, I’m talking about developing a male with characteristics normally associated with women. Surgery and hormones are out so the transformation is psychological.
Training includes gentle behaviours, thoughtfulness and consideration of others. My sissy husband must learn to take instructions and put me first.
It’s not a game
Looking back, my biggest challenge was not getting sissy Alice to wear female clothing or even to accept being called Alice, but to get her to accept that it’s no longer a sex game. That is probably the challenge in any FLR.
The demasculinisation challenge
Softening masculinity is the way to give real change in an FLR, it’s more than forced feminisation. Indeed, forced feminisation is akin to petticoat punishment — a way to shame a man. Softening masculinity and forced feminisation is not about shaming your man, it’s about improving him.
I do like to see my husband in a cute little skirt though; it’s so sweet and he looks so embarrassed when it’s really short.
Of course, as part of your FLR, you will want and need to humiliate him but that is through exposure and genital display, his orgasm control, name calling, bimbo clothing and so on.
And some FLRs I know do not employ feminisation but work on humiliation, CFNM and penis control. I would argue that these also employ a level of de-masculinisation which is why it’s useful to look at softening masculinity separate from forced feminisation.
It’s all very difficult when you’re not not open about your FLR to the outside world. With this restriction you’re never going to remove your sissy’s masculinity but you can soften it. And that’s better than nothing.
Let me know how your FLR works for softening the sissy’s masculinity.
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I love your blog Lady Alexa. I wax lucky enough to meet Mistress when I was in college. She grew up I. An FLR home and wanted to take things further by finding a partner and maid to own. I was shy and lonely and Mistress Samantha changed my life. She used many of your techniques with her own spin to train me. Thank You for allowing me to comment.
Good to hear. Sounds like I’d get on well with Mistress Samantha
Yes Ma’am. I am sure you would have a lot to talk about.
A very good term without the fetish baggage that demaleing carries which matters if Alice is too see it as a normal thing.
The removal of masculinisation seems so obvious when pointed out but, as usual, you are completely correct.
Another great post too.
Masculinity should be removed from everywhere
I agree with you Lady Alexa. The clothes make the difference. They make me submissive and gentle. So gentle and my wife likes me so much better this way and I like myself so much better this way. I am a better person as a submissive sissy there is no question about that. Thank you for your wonderful posts and for all you do for us ❤️
Clothes maketh the sissy as Shakespeare may have said.
Lady Alexa
Why not allow another sissy into your bedroom, and blindfold Alice. You can arouse her in the usual ways, and pretty soon she wont be able to tell if its the sissy’s or your fingers, mouth on her cock – at least she wont care! And if you allow Alice the accident of an orgasm at this point, a) how humiliating this would be , and b) she could hardly say it’s a turn-off could she? The fact that she now owes the sissy a reciprocation could be dealt with at a later stage.
This is just one of many ways in which you could train Alice, by carefully edging her into forced bi-play. After all is she submissive or not, and doesn’t she want to please you?
I don’t want to blindfold Alice into forced bi but to lead her into it with her eyes wide open
Dear Lady Alexa
As a gay man I have learned a lot from you and Alice about how to be more feminine and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
The question I keep asking myself is how can it be claimed Alice is truly femininised if she hasn’t been with a man or doesn’t want to?
What are your thoughts please? Is this an objective?
Alice is not gay but a male heterosexual and she’s not fully feminised but feminised in private and presents as a male externally. I would like to see her with a real man but it isn’t going to work as she’d be utterly turned off. So this is where a sissy comes in. A feminised male has some attraction for her as he’d look like a girl but with man parts. This is my objective. If things develop from here into accepting ‘forced bi’ with an alpha type male, great, but I don’t think so. I’ll work with what works for us both.
Dear Lady Alexa,
On the subject of softening masculinity, I understand that you feel a certain amount of frustration that she cannot wear female clothing outside of the home as a matter of course, while this may not be possible have you considered softening or feminising her masculine wardrobe ? (perhaps you have already done this and if you have I apologise ) perhaps that if Alice no longer needs go to work there really is no need to wear trousers at all unless attending a formal vanilla event at least from May through to September/ October when shorts can be worn, not the butch cargo style of course but something altogether briefer, maybe not Daisy Dukes but certainly not knee length either, these could be worn with sandals of which there are some quite feminine / unisex styles or maybe espadrilles ( the nearest thing to ballet flats for men) there’s also an option of three quarter pedal pusher trousers also made for men, add a floral or paisley shirt and the effect is fairly feminine without actually being women’s clothes, also in recent times there has been a trend for men to wear athletic tights under shorts which look indistinguishable from women’s thick black tights, I wonder if you might consider that making Alice wear this sort of thing in public? … small steps perhaps, in addition I believe you live in London ? What might just raise a quizzical eyebrow in the suburbs wouldn’t make an eyelid bat in central London especially around the Soho/ Old Compton St areas if you fancied taking Alice on an outing.
I like the tights idea. Yes, central London would be easier but we know a lot of people and it’s so easy to bump into those we know even in the centre
Lady Alexa, I adore the photos of Alice that you share on your blog – those legs are so feminine and pretty!
I can only imagine that being stripped of one’s masculinity is a prfoundly humbling experience. To have all those shameful masculine traits erased and replaced by superior feminine ones must confer a sublime sense of meekness and submission that cannot be achieved in any other way.
Alice is truly lucky to have you – to be improved by you.
She is
Hi, You say I’m not talking about making my sissy husband into a real woman, I’m talking about developing a male with characteristics normally associated with women. Surgery and hormones are out so the transformation is psychological. So does that imply directing Alice to undertake female behaviours and rewarding Alice to when she voluntarily acts in a feminine manner? E.g. Getting home from work on a Friday night and sitting down to paint her nails, or pick out a new dress online and seek your views on it, or asking to meet other sissies and spending time with them talking about feminine topics? Personally I’ve learnt to orgasm thorough prolonged play with my nipples alone which could be viewed as feminine.
Yes it means directing Alice to take on female behaviours and mannerisms in terms of sitting and acting in a more gentle manner. As for gettinghome from work, I enjoy her fussing after me and attending to my whims in a gentle submissive way more than anything to do with her. I expect her nails done and her being dressed either prettily for me or I like her to be naked and exposed and showing her desires. That’s a great way to end a week. Looked after and seeing my Alice is turned on by me. If I’m a little wound up then I may ask her to make me orgasm, it’s a great stress reliever.She’s not permitted to orgasm of course. This is a good topic for a future post
Thank you silly girl! Yes I use humiliation as a key tool in our FLR. Todd was a Type A before I tickled the truth from him early in our marriage. I would deny him orgasm and tickle his feet, nipples, armpits and balls until he divulged EVERY dirty little secret: He loves me in charge. He loves smelly female bare feet. He has bisexual fantasies and would love being “forced” to taste his own ejaculate. Easily solved. Now Todd hears “baby talk”, wear pink panties, kisses my sweaty feet, and obeys me. I’m loving the dream in a constant state of sexual arousal watching Todd submit and perform, and knowing I can push him as far as I please, maybe even see him service a “real man” for me orally soon. He promised me he would do that! We could and should be friends silly girl!
I love to read posts like this. It is so wonderful to read that a macho Type A personality man has been stripped of his masculinity, put into panties, and learned to take direction. I was once that tough macho guy too, but not any more. My wife/owner and I attended six months of private appointments (four hours every two weeks) with a very intelligent, and rigid professional Domme. My owner learned how to control me, and I learned to be very girly, and listen. My masculinity has disappeared, and I now happily wash dishes in heels, and a skirt with perfect makeup. Looking back, I can’t believe the way I used to act around my wife. Being put in a dress, and taught to act like a lady was the best thing for me, and I’m truly glad it’s been done.
My husband was never a macho aplha man but he was hardly feminine either. I do agree, putting a man in a skirt and makeup changes them entirely. For the better.
Well it’s short-lived pleasure. I drain his balls so he’s completely OUT of his aroused state and hyper sensitive when discipline begins. Todd’s turn ons become turn offs right after his orgasm. The paddling is extra painful, my smelly feet which normally arouse him instead sicken him, he becomes so ticklish that his tickle torture is unbearable. I’m merciless in my discipline after first ensures he’s as maximum sensitivity, trust me the tears flow and he cannot tolerate his fate. He’s also been stripped and punished a few times with my sister watching
I find male orgasm reduces submission and desire.Anyway, what do you get out of this?
Colleen,
It seems that you have taken the time/effort to locate his weak point and places. Yes, his humiliation is your strength. You could slip a pretty dress on him during these times.
Incredibly interesting perspective. Being feminine should never be humiliating but empowering. Teach them to let go of the endless struggle to dominate with machismo. It’s quite freeing letting another take the lead and letting go of your ego to present a certain way. It’s ok to be vulnerable.
Feminine is not humiliating and I’m not saying that if you read more carefully, I’m extremely feminine. To make a man wear extremely girly sissy, revealing and bimbo clothing with some reluctance is.
Right! I’m in completele agreement with you. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Sorry for the misunderstanding. I am only agreeing with you.
Don’t worry, it’s fine.
Todd has a distinct advantage because everything turns him on, so when he needs punishment I force him to masturbate for me and waste his seed. After that he is much more sensitive to tickling and paddling, the tears come much sooner, and he’s no longer Mr, Tough Guy once his precious come is squirted on my bare feet, licked off, and he’s weeping with a very red sore behind.
But he still orgasms so is it a waste for him? Sounds like it’s a pleasure for him?
I’ve been given such treatment extensively, and the pleasure is easily kept to a minimum by a skilled dominant. In my case, she would tie me tightly to the bed when it was time for my cum, which were rationed to one every few weeks. I’d be tickled, forced to worship feet, and basically anything that turned me on for what seemed like hours but wasn’t that long. When it came time to orgasm, my domme could easily make me shoot within a few strokes. It was more frustrating than pleasurable. After that, submission is greatly reduced, but ropes don’t care. She would then subject me to POT if it was her pleasure, and after that more tickling. The orgasm made the tickling twice as bad, it’s hard to explain. It sounds like a guy’s fantasy, but it’s not fun. My domme loved it, though, and that’s what it was all about.
Very informative.
Thank you.
No problem
Lady Alexa, I have hardly read this post and already I am in full support, as a male who amongst all males, needs to be “de-maled”. Cannot wait to continue reading, and look forward to further communication from you. I am very excited!!!
Steve
That’s nice to read.
I like your term, it expands on the basic FLM and feminization.
I’ve used it in the past many years ago. I thought it time to bring it out again.